The fighter

The Fighter

I have this on my iPhone and no matter how crap or happy I feel, or where I am in my work out, it always makes me go harder and stronger.  I find strength in it. 

I celebrated my 2nd fitaversary on the 27th of December and as I reflect on what those 2 years have done for me the words of the song came and played their magic. 

 I saw it only fit to express my 2 years with it.

Just waking up in the morning

And to be well,

Quite honest with ya,
I ain't really sleep well

Ya ever feel like your train of thought's been derailed?

That's when you press on - Lee nails

Half the population's just waitin to see me fail

Yeah right, you're better off trying to freeze hell

Some of us do it for the females

And others do it for the retail

But I do it for the kids, life threw the towel in on

Every time you fall it's only making your chin strong

And I'll be in your corner like Mick, baby, 'til the end

Or when you hear a song from that big lady

Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell

Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do ya'll?


Give em hell, turn their heads

Gonna live life 'til we're dead.

Give me scars, give me pain

Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me

There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter

Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me,

This one's a fighter

And if I can last thirty rounds

There's no reason you should ever have your head down

Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds

Hailing from rock bottom, loserville, nothing town

Text book version of a kid going nowhere fast

And now I'm yelling, "Kiss my ass"

It's gonna take a couple right hooks, a few left jabs

For you to recognize you really ain't got it bad

Until the referee rings the bell
Until both your eyes start to swell
Until the crowd goes home
What we gonna do ya'll?

Give em hell, turn their heads

Gonna live life 'til we're dead.

Give me scars, give me pain

Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me

There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter

Here comes the fighter
That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me,
This one's a fighter

Everybody put yo hands up
What we gonna do (hey!)  y'all?
What we gonna do (hey!)  y'all?

If you fall pick yourself up off the floor (get up)
And when your bones can't take no more (c'mon)

Just remember what you're here for
Cuz I know Imma damn sure

Give em hell, turn their heads

Gonna live life 'til we're dead.

Give me scars, give me pain

Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me

There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter
Here comes the fighter

That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me,

This one's a fighter

'Til the referee rings the bell

'Til both ya eyes start to swell
'Til the crowd goes home,

What we gonna do kid?

Bring on 2014

And kick its arse is what this kid is going to do

xx

Running fun….or is that walking…meh its all happiness

Ive been wanting to do a blog post for the last few days and have had no idea how to start it.

Sitting here tonight, in bed, tears streaming down my face, snot bubbling out like no other, I decided now is the time. Enough fucking around Maz, get the shit out!!!!

Que picture one

Sunday 8th of December - 10km fun run at St Kilda - Sussan woman's fun run.  Waking time - 3.40am - leaving Mooroopna at 4am on the dot.  3 amigo's together, excited, half asleep and pumped we drove, killing a poor defenceless roo on the Hume in the process. 

 On the way decisions were made (will explain down further)

10km's done and dusted, some walked, some jogged, some run.

It felt fucking amazing to cross that line. That last bit, running it in was hard.  All I could think about was my dad, how much he told me to do it and how much I missed him.  Tears pricked my eyes and I swear to god, I saw him in the crowd near the finish line. 

Running always makes me think of dad.  He told me long ago that if I wanted to get fit that I should run from one light post to another, then walk until I got the next one, then do it all again.

Its funny cause I told him that's called interval training…nahh its light post miles….he told me.  

Light post miles mean everything to me now and at that finish line, 

I felt like I had done 1000's of them that day.

Feeling extremely high and after our decision from previous car trip down, Melinda and I joined Martine for the 5km walk, 15 mins after our 10km.

I have nothing but admiration, love and awe for these 2 girls.

They don't pretend to do extraordinary things, they just do them.

Getting up, having a go and fulfilling goals, pushing themselves and achieving greatness.

I couldn't of had 2 more awesome woman in my life.

They unknowingly have helped me out of a darkness, given me strength and never judged me on my capabilities or lack there off.

I cant thank them enough for what they did for me Sunday and I am so pleased that we had the chance to do something wonderful and tremendous together.

They, thoughts of my dad and the burning urge got to me pumped again when I got home at 1.30pm.

Checking my fit bit I went that's it, drive me to some stairs honey.

Stairs were found and I bumped my stair climb up to 50 sets for the day.

If that wasn't enough, pushy me took over and wanted my step total to get to 30,000 for the day on my fitbit.  I had 4000 steps to go.

Dressed in my finest pink bra *wolf whistle* and shitty legging's I decided that the driveway, behind the safety of the closed colour bond gate of course, would be my new little track.

I don't know how many times I ran up and down that fucker but my god, I did it.  

I ran for 20mins (ok ok I waddled) got one of the kids to get me a singlet top so we could open the middle gate and put our own misting section up *cough* sprinkler on low.

With the help of my babies, I did it. I didn't even have to push myself, I just did them.

We giggled, squealed and had fun.

That's what its all about isn't it?

Enjoying those special moments with the ones you love.

In the mean time

I'm trying hard to follow the following quote's.

Some days are easy then others but as long as I have them in the back of my mind, 

I know I'm trying to be the best me I can.

xxx

Maz

When no food is worse than bad food

The last 2 weeks have been a blur for me.  I sadly put my life, yet again on the back burner, putting everyone and thing first.  Arranging a funeral, flowers, a wake, my dad's paper work, getting things in order for mum, trying to comfort my children, work and trying to keep my shit together haven't been easy.
Sitting at my dad's service, my legs shaking inside and my face a blank wall, all I could think about was how the hell am I going to go forward and complete my 10km walk.

How can I get up, move my butt and do it knowing I wont be able to tell him I did it.

How can I get excited when I wont be able to hear how happy he was that I did it?

Yes stupid things to think of while dad's eulogy was being read out.

I am so grateful to those friends who have messaged me, thought of me and kept me somewhat sane.  Its hard to talk about dad to others.  I just want to scream,  curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.  I don't know when my feeling will return to normal or my mind will be able to process the last time I saw him.  Watching a man who was always strong, humble and independent crumble and die right before your eyes is something I will never forget.

The last 2 weeks Ive found myself slipping into those horrid old habits of mine.  Not eating , let alone drinking until later in the afternoon only to find myself stuffing my face in a blind fury.  Soft drink allowed itself to be tasty again, fried foods danced on my taste buds and my quanties became enough to feed a family of 4.  Exhaustion grabbed hold of me and my waking hours were dreaming about sleeping.  Sleeping hours were spent thinking about the what ifs and before I knew it dawn was up and I was trapped into the body says no mindset.

Wednesday's weigh in saw me right back to 115kg's.  What the fucking hell!!!

Wednesday's weigh in was the slap in the face I needed to wake up.

Down the sink I poured 6L of soft drink.

I bought my wheelie bin inside and emptied the SHIT yes SHIT food into it.  Fuck it, let the bin get fat.

Although I haven't gotten my arse back onto the footpath, I slept last night with the thanks of some sleeping tablets.  I woke this morning and felt different, awake for once.  My migraine of 4 days has finally gone and I'm taking the time today to do some cleaning, something I just haven't had the energy for.

Sunday I'll be walking the street's of St Kilda for the Sussan Women's Fun run.  Its going to be bittersweet for me but I'm going to plough through it with an awesome friend by my side and my dad in my heart.

Here's back to clean eating, water drinking and moving myself again.