Saturday, November 23, 2013

Blue eyes forever more

Driving home today it hit me.

I'll never see your blue eyes twinkling at me.  I'll never hear you speak my name again in your thick German accent or feel the prickle of your beard on my face and shoulder as you hug me.
Instead, every time I close my eyes, I see the shock in yours and the bewildered look in your face as you silently left us.

To see your body so limp and defenceless, laying on the hospital bed was not the body of my dad.  You were always so strong, jumping up in a flash without hesitation yet here laid a man, thin, gaunt...broken.

We surrounded you, mum holding onto you, kissing your face. Us kids standing, touching you where we could so you knew we were there.  Your last moments were spent with us all, no mention of goodbye ever said.  Just love and smiles to comfort you to the end.
I massaged your feet and hands, feeling how cold they were, knowing nothing could help.  I felt so utterly helpless, watching you, frightened, fighting like hell right until you caught your last breath.

Your grandkids hugged you, kissed you and  cried. They knew how special and wonderful their Opa is and knew you just weren't right.

You knew to didn't you.  Knew for quiet a while.  I'll never forget when we went to Melbourne, when you said you were going to change your life.....but you knew then, I know you did.  You spent the last 6 months rectifying things, putting them into place .  You said you took strength from me when you went on your weight lose journey. You were proud of me for changing my life.  I took strength from you for always being so strong in everything you did.  You were always a determined man, nothing got in your way when you had your mind set to it......something that Jed always says rubbed off on me.

Right now though Papa, I really need your strength, god help me I don't know how I am going to cope not having you hear when I need to hear how shit really fall's!  I need your wisdom, your thoughts...shit me Papa I need you.

I had to go through some of your thing's today with mum. I know you wouldn't of given a shit but I felt like I was invading your personal space.  Finding mum's presents for Christmas and her birthday just another little tick in the box for you knowing what was happening. Dame you papa...why did you always have to be so dame organised!!!
Writing your Eulogy has come easier then I thought. I just hope I do your proud with how I worded it.

I found your favourite aftershave, placed it with the clothing to take to the undertaker tomorrow. Klaus got your harley boots out and cleaned them up. We even got your favourite hat aswell and those dame friggen false teeth you got fitted jsutthe day before you left us.

Mum's requested 55 roses for your for every year you were married. You always treated her like a Queen, always loved her, cherished her.  Papa, I promise you, I'll look after mum now. I'll be there for her when she needs me, shit I might even have to go to bloody bingo with her (you know exactly how much that excites me NOT)

Thank you dad, for loving my babies. For being proud of them for being the little people they are. Thank you for excepting how different they were. They loved you unconditionally you know.

Nikolaus is sad he couldn't come to you in hospital, he was to scared he would hurt you if he touched you. Wilhelm has been know how things hit him 24 hours after the fact. He loved how you kept pushing the face mask off your face in disgust and loved that you reached out for him and held him.
Vyolett cant speak your name without crying. She's gone and pulled her gems out that you gave her last year cause they are magic and link her to you. Mateauz keeps telling me opa is in hospital but he died...why isn't opa coming home.

Thank you dad, for putting up with me in my fucked up teenage years. I know we had some serious shit happen then that we overcame. Thank you for always supporting me in all my adventures. You were my main person of support when I first starting maz-a-licious and were proud as hell when my business took off...thank you also for letting me know when to back away from it while it took over my life.

Thank you for excepting Jed into our family and loving him like he was your own son. He respected you immensely and loved you even more.

And I promise you, that I will continue to be healthy, to keep living a life worth living, exercise every day.

My next funrun is on the 8th of December - 10km's and the entire time your going to be there with me.

I love you papa.xx

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Ending 2013 with a bang!!

This year I put caution to the wind.
I tried things that I only every dreamt off.  Climbed over those mind obstacles.
Never in my life would I have considered doing a fun run, let alone get muddy, get hot in the heat and have fun doing it.

I started the year with doing the Mad cow dash in March.
12km's of mud, water, sliding down hills on your arse, gravel in your knee's, wasp stings, chaffing on the arm, smelly bits, laughter, heat and happiness.
I couldn't of done it with a better group of ladies.
My cherry for adventure was popped.

Next was the Mother's Day Challenge in May
Vyolett who had been suffering with a bulging disc for months cried at the thought of not being able to do the 4km's with me.  
Thankfully, my little girl was well enough and ran 2km's...both of us side by side.
I cant tell you how proud of her I was and still am of her for giving it her all.
My little Bowreguard at aged 6 was happy as hell.
And because of this, we have decided to do it every year.  
I couldn't think of any better way to spend mothers day

 I signed up for the 5km pink ribbon run in August.
Heavily sick with a chest infection I got up and just tried.
No cheer squad, no one but me and I kicked my own arse.
I ran/walked it in 46 mins and was totally happy with the bench mark I set myself.

Fast forward to October.
I hit the road at 5am that morning to drive to Echuca for the Sweat V's Steam and catch up with the gorgeous Jodie.
We started together and went at our own paces.
Although I cut over 3 mins off my previous 5km time, it was here I realised how unfit and unprepared I was.
So many thoughts went through my head and well, lets just say it was the kick up the arse I needed.

Last weekend saw me and my buddy Melinda drive to St Kilda and complete the city to surf 14km section of the day.
There was no running, no competing, we kept a steady, even place and although the blisters on our feet from the 10km's walked the day prior (don't ask) we finished it in under 2 1/2 hours.
Was a gorgeous day, the atmosphere was encouraging, supportive and happy.
The views were fabulous, the smelly beach not so and the sunburn kept the memory of the day alive when we got back home.

My last fun run for the year will be held in a few weeks.
I'll be driving back down to Melbourne to complete the 10km section of the Susann's woman's fun run in aid of Breast Cancer Network Australia.
Something that hits home well and truly for our family as my beautiful mother inlaw Betty fought and hit that bugger on the head.
details of the fun run can be found HERE

I have set up a fundraising page to help raise fund's for the Breast Cancer Network Australia.
If you can find it in your heart to donate a little please pop over to
I'm hoping to raise $500 for BCNA
If you happen to go into my work (shameless plug now) Archer Street Takeaway in Shepparton, 
you'll see a little bottle on the counter top were  donations are  appreciated.

Now to look forward to what 2014 brings me
Bucket list of challenges great and small is being constructed.
watch this space

xxx Maz

Saturday, November 16, 2013

you might of got a medal but you didnt come first fatty

Dear Sir on the tram

I'm sorry sir for how upset you were at the amount of people on the tram.

I'm sorry that you were  annoyed by the amount of people who were in your way when you were wanting to get off.

I apologise that you took my words of support the wrong way.  I was sincere and understood your frustration.

I have no apologise for the chuckle that I held in my throat when you decided to come back to the open door of the tram and tell me what you thought of my medal and my appearance.

Dear Sir

I for one know how hard it is when we're having a bad day.  The frustration when people block your route.  I climb road blocks every day of my life, trying to guide, love and help my special needs children and their siblings.  I jump hurdles with keeping my house clean and working part time.  I push barriers with my expectation's of my self.  I wake up every morning not knowing how bad the sickness I have lived with for over 3 years will effect me for the day.

I don't feel the need to degrade others to justify my inner arsehole in the process at a spur of a moment.

Yes I received a medal, which I wore proudly.  I worked hard to get that medal Sir.  I got myself up of the couch, up out of my sess of self pity and stood on my 2 feet.  I got those feet moving, one after the other whilst keeping my mouth shut from those foods that poisoned my body for a long time.
That medal was my token of air punch for the last 23 months of hard work.
I didn't just walk 14km's for that baby. Oh no dear Sir.  I walked 100's of kilometres, in -4 degree's mornings, with rain hitting my face whilst it stung my arms.   I walked those kilometers with the self doubt, the negative in my mind.  Voices of all those doubters and haters in my ear,  laughing at me.  My tears, dear sir have been hard earned.  Those blisters on my feet and open wound's from falling have been my victory scares, my flesh medal's or love and honour.

And Dear Sir, whilst you felt the need to call me 'fatty' your words fell, sadly on deaf ear's.  I have been hurt by lesser words and smaller actions.  Your taunting word may have cut my heart like a knife back in the day but today I found it quiet humorous.  I pity your wife, with your high held expectation's on how a woman should look and strive for in her life.  Sad that you think every race must be won, instead of enjoying the fact that one can simply participate and complete something to satisfy your heart.  I dearly hope that you don't place such great expectations on her or your children.

Please enjoy the pictures of my how wonderful off a day I had.  Ive attached them to this post for your viewing enjoyment Sir.  Sadly they don't include the 3km's walk to the actual 'race' or the 3km's walk back to the hotel.  The also don't include the 10km's I walked in thongs yesterday but I doubt very much that would interest you at all.  My apologies again Sir.

Dear I didn't come first.  I was actually 8672 behind the winner.
But thank you sir for putting light on me, placing me into your verbal attack and helping me realise exactly how much I am winning in the little obstacle's I face everyday.

Kindest regards from the fatty who got a medal, but didn't come first.