Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Itsy bitsy tini wini yellow polka dot bikini

Well its not quiet yellow (ok its pretty much NOT yellow) but it is tini and its got dots on it...somewhere, I promise.

My secret little battle and focus for this year is to fit into a size 12 bikini.  
Set your goals high and fight like a tramp to get to them is what I've been telling myself...bloody hell what did I get myself in for??  What are you kidding?  How the fuck am I going to get my fat, cellulited arse let alone legs into a size 12 bikini?  And my galobbers?  Their a size 18DD..pffft they never shrink...what are you going to do maz??? wear them like earrings and pray like a nun that no one will notice???

I never thought it would be so dame hard to buy a friggen bikini.
What colour do you get, support or no support?
G banger - high cut, boy leg ahhhhhhhhhh.
Do I want stripes or dots?
One colour or multi colours?


In the end...I just went on ebay and prayed for the best.

3 weeks later and from a little old place called China this set arrived

Holly shit ball's its small!!!
No way was I going to be able to fit into it. I tried...PMSL I got the bottom's up to my knees and the higher they got the more my chubby thighs tried to eat them up until the circulation in my legs said 
Lycra only stretches so far I tell you and when its stretched out that bad, it aint pretty all round

I wish I would of taken a picture back then now.  I stupidly tossed them to the back of the to hard heap in the wardrobe and ignored their taunts.

October 2012 while looking for something they slapped my ankle to remind me that they were still there.
OK I give in...lets try you babies on.

 Could it be, NO way!!! I got the buggers up!
Look I wont tell you that they were cutting into me and left welts under my gunt
I also wont tell you that no matter how much I tried to tuck my galoobers in, they kept popping out the sides and I also wont tell you that the back boobs were trying to chew the strap

Right to secretly goal set!
2013 is going to be the year of the Bikini!
I tried my luck with the yellow dress, setting myself the goal of getting into it and HELLO

I may no shed my weight quickly, I may not be a superior athlete but I try
And by god I am going to try my gunt of to make this baby fit me perfectly by summer 2013/2014.

My mission Round 1 - 2013 was to work on my gunt.  Weight loose isnt so high, getting myself in order, consistence and self worth was.
Ive done a 30 day squat challenge and notice that the fat little sausage's that had developed in between my thighs near my groin are now non existent.
Crunches and I have become friends as they visit me every day for a quick chat and hello.
Push ups are still arsehats but we have a fierce love/hate relationship that is currently going through counselling.

This is my Round 1 - 2013 Week 1 picture.
Confronting to say the least
well as yuck as I feel looking at it, I'm sure people will be most happy not to see my nipples waving hello from beneath my bra pictures anymore.

This is my end of round picture.
Round 1 - 2013  Week 12

Notice anything 

Smiling like a kid at a birthday party

yeah I'm starting to grow into it.

Lets hope I can see the same sort of results for next round so I can share them with you again.

Ive got alot of work to do, Ive got plan's in place and by fuck I'm going to smash them all hard!

Bring on Round 2 - 2013 I'm going to work your arse to a pulp!


  1. Holy shizballs Maz, what an awesome effort. My gunt is the bain of my existence.

  2. Said it before and i'll say it again.....ROCKSTAR!!!!

  3. Maz, absolutely phenomenal, plus you have EXCELLENT taste in swimwear, they are gorgeous.

  4. You are simply a-MAZ-ing Maz. The photos are proof of all your hard work. Leonie xx

  5. Those photo comparisons are just amazing!!! You go girl!!!!!!