Sunday, April 28, 2013

I will walk 500 miles and I will walk 500 more

Well not quiet - since week 1 this round I've walked and ran over 460km's according to my Runkeeper Fitness keeper.
I don't always use it and I'm kicking myself that I didn't but to see that Ive walked and run that many km's since then amazes me.

I'm a drop of a hat sort of girl at times...... I get an idea and have to do it as soon as I can.
The more time I have to 'think' about something, the longer I have to find excuses.

Friday I got a hair balled idea in my noggin.

Hell if I can walk 15km's...why not 20km's?
Why not try it for my very last SSS for this round of Michelle Bridges.
May way of ending the round with a big bang for the universe.
Saturday was out, hubby and my walking partner's hubby were both working.
Sunday was the day.
Kept myself accountable by opening my mouth in the 30 plus Facebook group so I couldn't back out.
Now to pray like hell that it doesn't rain cause I just don't do wet clothes.

I woke at 4am and lay there thinking hurry up 4.50am...I want to get up and just go.
Yes I know utter friggen madness on a Sunday morning, who does this shit?
4.40am I couldn't lay there any more.  Taking my trusty phone I did my toilet duty...sent some messages to friends and got ready to get my thing on.

Now I might add, my normal morning outing is approximately 9km's so 20km's seemed a bit mehh yeah alright its going to be easy for was I wrong!!! 
Meet my awesome partner who informed me she had to be home by 7.30
Shit....this meant I was going to do the last 7km's on my who will I talk to??
Who will laugh at my fart's when I'm on my own??

We did our normal Saturday morning '2 laps' and at 7.35am after decided to do '2 laps' of the lake I parted ways with Melinda.  At this stage I had walked 13.8km's....I still had  6.2km's to go until goal.

I dug my headphones out and popped on my tunes.  Amazing how music gives you second, third and fourth wind in situations.  At the 14.5 km mark I though fuck it, lets get this shit started.

My running feet found me and I interval ran for over 2km's until I felt like my lungs were going to explode out of my chest.
I fucking LOVE that feeling!  Heat rises in your cheek's...your blood flow's through your vein's and you can feel your heart racing, in a steady face - I'M ALIVE - beat.
Its also the time that I feel like I'm releasing all the hurt and anger in me.  All the everyday crap I have to deal with just gets pounded out through my feet.  My mind clicks over 1000's times and my feet try to keep up with it...more step's that come out, the less my head is filed with fuck.

Today I ran over the footpath that grabbed me and made me face plant.
Even walking over it makes me shit a brick.  Nope, no more!
I'm not letting my accident take away what I feel anymore.

Rounding to the park across from the school was 17.5km's...oh man...I was starting to feel it.
I had a quick rinse of the mouth from the water fountain and a small mouth full of water.
I sooo shouldn't of done it.  No matter how much or how less I drink when I run, I get a dame stitch and always in the right had side.
Anyway, as I'm doing a 30 day push up challenge I decided to do my cut of them for the day in the park...hello jelly arms and hello I'm ready to go home.

Can you see how much I wanted to go home at this stage??
I actually contemplated ringing my hubby to come and get me but I told myself to shut the fuck up, grow a set and keep going.

1km before my breaking point...that's where I was.

My eye's began to sweet and over thought so much.
It started when I saw a familiar car drive past me.  The man looked at me blankly and kept driving after I waved at him.  He looked back, I could see through his back view mirror...but he didn't wave back.
That man, was my father.
He didn't recognise me.  He's never seen me working out so probably didn't think to much off the crazy woman waving at him (yes I did the full leap and wave thing)
Anyway....deciding I was hot I took my jumper off and tied it around my waist back at the park....the knot annoyed me and it wasn't until I was my dad that I clicked.
I use to tie my knot and my gunt would sit over the top of the knot and my top would hide my embarrassment.
OH sweet knot had no gunt to hide was sitting on top of my belly button.
I lost eye's got hot and they were stinging.
I still have a flabby belly don't get me wrong and the handful of marshmallow's I just downed writing this probably don't help but the feeling of not having that under my tummy, not feeling that weight is something that I will never forget.  The embarrassment I felt was no longer in view and it felt fucking fantastic.

Of course it was then I started to think of all the other ladies in the last 17 months that I have come to know, trust and make life long friendships with.
Those who have all had their own sacrifices, demons but stood tall, put their big girl panties in the bin and conquered the crap in their lives.
Some battle Cancer, other depression.  Some live watching their own children battling with special needs, others watching their siblings fight wars.
Some have lost loved ones, others have moved
Yet each of these woman have found strength  and courage to strive forward for themselves.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I felt like they were all there with me, their face's in front of me, smiling...yep crazy lady was hallucinating like Id just had magic mushroom soup.
I was bawling so much that I couldn't see clearly. Everything was blurry, thankfully auto pilot kicked in and I made my way up to the high school and ran behind it so no one could see, let alone hear my whaling. 

Snow ball effect it oh man *shakes head*
If I wasn't messy enough it gets better

before I knew it I was at the 
Bus shelter....running

No biggy I hear you say.
Well let me tell you, its been...hmmmm 6 months since I walked this little bit.
I couldn't run it when I began my new life.  Sorry I lie, I could, for about 10 paces until I thought my heart and brain had swapped places.
Today, I ran the entire length of it but not just ran it I sprinted it like a boss!
Of course it wasn't until I took the picture that it clicked in...and a guy across the road cheered at me with well done sweet heart....oh shit here's the snow ball getting more snow.....I screamed
and then cried again.

This sweating from the eyes has gotta stop I tell ya!!

I've spoken to my parents and I told my mum that I saw my dad this morning.....he said he didn't see me and once I explained where I saw him he said

I saw a skinny girl running and she looked so happy
She had a smile on her face and was so happy. 
She waved at me and I just didn't know who see was.

Once mum told him it was me, mum said he started crying
I could hear him in the back ground saying how proud he was of me and never to stop doing what I was doing cause I was happy.

See - bloody snowball's!!!

I also received a PM via the new Round 2 forum of the program

Hi there,

I just wanted to send a message and say hi, because you're pretty much one of the reasons I'm here. I just signed up tonight after thinking, and considering and contemplating it for a while. One of the things that pushed me was my best friend, Sarah **. I discussed it with her and she directed me to your blog, which I found rather inspirational.

Then, I saw your pics in this thread and thought...'I have to say hi to her!'.

You truly have done an amazing job! You should be proud!



Thank you.
Thank you for taking control over your life and for loving yourself enough to take the plunge.
I find you inspiration hun for doing this for yourself.
I thank you for your PM and for saying hi to me.

You Kirsty
Adding more snow to my snowball

To sum my day up
Even to look at it...I still cant register amazes me that I did it.  
That I said I would and I did
That I ran, walked and cried

Nothing will ever replace what I feel today.

Now, where is my foot bath cause mama's feet need some loving.


  1. Well done Mazzy! You just keep on leaving me in awe of your determination and strength. Hope the feet are doing alright after their soak xox

    1. You know were there with me when I was bawling...I was remembering when we went to the finale together last year and your smiling face was I miss you <3

    2. Maz!!!!! This is glorious! It's just the reminder that I need. Gotta get back into it. Thank you so much! xxx see you in melb.

  2. Oh Maz - just catching up on some reading - and I'm glad I read this now. I needed to read this now. I needed to hear it. I needed to cry along with you. I am so so so very proud of you - you are an incredible woman <3

  3. Thank you so much for your blog! What a complete inspiration you are. As i wipe away my tears i feel a new determination to give this round my all.Thank you