Tuesday, June 26, 2012


Last week I kicked ARSE!!!  Did a boxfit class and burnt off over 800 calories and couldnt feel my arms for an our afterwards.  I had the shakes of someone suffering meth withdrawals afterwards.  I felt PUMPED!
Friday night I did a lift class.  Started with 2.5kg's on each side, I snarled at myself...yeah right as if that was going to do shit.  Half an hour later, I was on my back, knee's in the air, sweating and puffing away....2.5kg's was felt and it was HARD!!!!
Sunday is rest day.....I HATE rest day (ba humbug).  I always feel to feel glum and depressed if I do nothing.  Even housework doesnt do anything for me (does it for anyone??)  What was a girl to do but go for a quick half hour walk with a 1km jog thrown in.....ahhhh feel that, its the sigh of a happy chicky.
I churned out over 5800 calories last week.  I ate clean, watched my intake to the calorie...and then decided to get on the scales monday.....come on....say it with me


I had put on 1.7kg's from last wednesday. What the hell!!!!  How does that shit happen?  It's still int he back of my mind pissing me off.  I feel as soon as I get near the 105kg mark something comes in to say ner ner, you cant touch this!!! GRRRRRRR.  
I know what your saying, its not about numbers, its about getting healthy and doing good things for you body...but it does come down to numbers when for years yourve seen 120 - 130kg's..... want it!! I want to taste what its like...I want to see the magic 100kg..better still I want to see 99.9kg's!! *stomping foot like a fat kid who didnt get cake*
Measuring week is this week as its week 4.  Week 1 we had to measure ourselves and every 4 weeks we strip own to our fun suit and measure all those embarrasing places....I really didnt expect anything much, shit if I havent lost a great load of weight be stuffed if I would of lost much cm wise. I will eat my shorts after a gym work out...I lost 18cm in 4 weeks. Holly crap!!!

Measurements from round 1 - week 1 were

week 1   round 1     
chest -  120.5cm  
hips  -  137cm 
waist -  117cm 
arms   - 40cm   
thighs  -  75cm 

Measurements from round 1 - week 4 were

week 4 round 2 
chest - 109cm
hips - 118cm
waist -  95cm
arms   -   35cm
thighs   - 62cm

The tape measure is the size my waist WAS in the first week in round 1.

How did I live like this?

Gone are the large bubbles of fat that were on top of my elbows although the bingoflap's are still there, they are decreasing in their flight zone allowance.
No longer do my innner thighs lap over each over when I walk which means no more worn out crotch in pants.
My ankles, wrist's and collar bone have come and reintroduced themselves to the world.
Stretch mark's on my tummy have become more apparent to me.
The ample gunt which hide certain parts like a certain is slowing going up like a roman blind and a peep of my jaja is shly saying peeka boo.

Yes, life is good.  
Here's to hoping that the scales WILL be kind to me tomorrow otherwise there going to get a beating with a sledge hammer


Tuesday, June 19, 2012


What a friggen AWESOME week!!

Jumped on the scales....down 3.3kg's since last week, UP energy, UP happy factor, UP loving life again!!

Had something utterly amazing happen to me Monday
1 pair of Black Milk Muscle's was sent to me from a amazing bunch of chick's who really shouldn't have BUT I am eternally great full.

I promptly wore them for my morning session Tuesday with a pair of 3/4 pants so not to scare to many people driving to work at 5.30am.  Giggled as one of the guy's Couldn't make eye contact with me at all and the owner said I should get a matching top...mmmmm nahhh I don't think so.
Last year, there was no way in hell I could of put one leg into one of these guys....I never realised it would feel so good to be able to fit into a pair of....LARGE tights!!!

Found my most favourite red top/dress in the back of the wardrobe yesterday, dug it out and it hung like a sack on me.  I threw it in said wardrobe in disgust just before Christmas because I could just get it on and my tummy rolls were swollen and pressing up against the stretched fabric.

Finding pic's and reflecting my feeling's about that time was high on the agender over the last 72 hours

One of my closest and best friends took some family pictures for me last year in August.  I know I'm smiling and all in the picture...but looking at it, I have so many high school taunts screaming at me.  Year 7 to when I left the horrible school in year 9 I was nick named moon face because I had a round face and no fringe.  I wasn't an overweight teen, I ran every day and ate extremely healthy but I was taunted every day with it.  I thankfully still have some wonderful friends from back then, we sort of clung to each other in our shy, awkwardness.  If those people who name called me really knew me, they would of gotten to know the real person I was...not the name.

Its the only downer I had this week and it didn't down me for very long. I wont forget them all together becuase they make me who I am now.

See these chicks above....each one off them have their own demons, their own battles yet they support, love and nurture any who need it.  I am truely grateful to have gotten to know these wonder woman who give so much of themselves freely (Ohhh now doesn't that sound naughty) and still fighting their own causes.  I absolutely had a ball doing the Michelle Bridges work out finale last month with them all.  
Its one day I will never forget.

First work out EVER!!! I laughed, worked my arse off and loved every minute of it!!
Picture says a 1000 words..this one says
...ah piss off... I'm hurting...boo yeah baby....ahh it burns make him STOP!!!  get the picture!
I makes me smile and feel empowered! 

I even got a pic with the the woman who has helped us get of the couch herself.
poor bugger was freezing her ninny off but man, she is awesome!!!
Smiled for every picture and never said no if anyone asked.
I must admit, I got a bit star gazed in her presence. 
 Shit I went from hearing her yell at me (yes she's become one of my 109 personalities in my head)
while doing workouts, running to keep going to actually standing next to her and having my arm around her.......I TOUCHED MICHELLE BRIDGES!!!! ner ner!!!

All week has been amazing. So many positives
Yes it surely has!!!!

Bring on next week....I'm ready for you biartch!!!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Back in the game biartches!!!!!

After my last posting's...I took a teaspoon...no wait a cup full of concrete, 
got off my arse and got into it.
2 days in a row off over 1000 cal's, lots of thinking space and I feel so much better.

Never, ever did I EVER consider myself an emotional eater.  
Funny how you analyse every action  you do when your on a mission to get your life back.

Re-reading over my last post I noticed that yep, when I feel shit, I reach for something. 
Years ago It would of been something hard (read between the lines as my mum might be reading this).  The last few years its been food. 
 Light bulb moment...hello maz is home and knows now!!!

I had so many good moments on that weekend....ones that I forgot because the darkness crept in.  
I got a few tat's to celebrate what I have achieved for ME in the last 6 months.    I swore I would NEVER get one where I couldn't see it....and guess which DUMB BO got one one on the back of her neck...hello dickhead bahaahhah.   

But its me....Instead of wearing my heart on my sleeve, I'm wearing it with pride on my neck.  
My charka point for heart and well being :) seems fitting I think.

I spent quality time with those woman who I hold close.  They have been an unbelievable support and shoulder for me over so many years.  I feel like they're more family then friends.  We have a closeness that others dream off.  I am truly blessed to have been in such awesome and great company and to have soaked in their smiles, their love and happiness.  A starving woman could live of that shit for years.

One of these said woman took a picture of me and OMG I am in shock!!!

Who the hell is this bitch in the size 18 clothes????
Id spank that arse even If I dare say so myself!!!

My Saturday morning SSS started CRAPPEDLY (is that even a word???)  my HRM strap shit itself....and I had no idea to exactly how many cal's I burnt. Life goes on, it didn't stop me.  I walked 7km's to the gym, did a 45 min work out and then walked another 3km' home.

SO attractive I know.... I look hot bahahhaa, actually I was, I was sweating up a storm but my beloved hippy band soaked it up nicely.

Most of all this last week has taught me not to stress over the small stuff.  I have been so depressed, overwhelmed with my own personal issues and insecurities and what for????  I'm only feeding the darkness and sinking lower in the process.  I'm reclaiming myself...getting my happiness back, giving back that friggen 2 plus kg's I put on last week by stuffing it up its butt and getting on with my goal off getting to 100kg's by week 8!!!  

Watch this space peeps......I have so many things going on in my head atm I need 5 naughty corners to contain it.


Thursday, June 14, 2012

After the high...comes the low

Much awaited girls weekend was had recently.  A weekend to forget your worries, what your eating, what your doing, no children, no husband to banter......and your waistline to increase.
Here is a picture of me, on said weekend, with some of my gorgeous friends.
As you can see I'm in fine form, no worries in the world.
This is the first time ever in any of the 4 years of these times that i have actually felt comfortable and secure in myself to go out and have fun.  I danced, sung and laughed so much that night.  I felt like I was Queen of the world for a change.  Not once did I worry about how fat my clothes made me feel, shit me, I even wore a skin tight top, jeans and THESE huge heels (ones on the left)
All weekend I thought, blow it, I only do this once a year.....but once a year can turn into all year if your not careful.  This was a huge learning curb for me.  I began old eating habits almost straight away and luckily caught myself on the Saturday and slapped my self stupid about it.  By Sunday I was an emotional mess to what I had done to myself.

WHY did I let this happen again, why did I slip back into my food coma??

I had so many emotion's running through my mind and heart for day's prior, during and after.  The old, standing in a crowded room  and feeling lonely hit me a few times.  I let the wine and vodka kick in and welcomed my old friend back with warm arms only to feel used and abandoned by it the next day.
Depression came and sat for me making an uncomfortable stance with my inner positive flow jo.  I remember breaking down Sunday afternoon in my hotel room over how old maz had reacted to the situations presented to her over the few days prior and hated...absolutely HATED my response to it all.

The entire week since I have been on a massive low...dug myself into a makeshift hole with little breathing space and losing my heart in the process.  My runner's have been screaming at me for a walking but my heart has been broken and left in shattered pieces.

Tomorrow morning, I intend to take those beloved runners out and find those pieces and try my hardest to superglue them together.

wish me luck


Monday, June 4, 2012

Day 1..Thought for the day

Who am I???

This is a question I ask myself all the time when im out hitting the footpath.

Today I thought about being the Daughter.

Yes I'm a daughter to proud German parents who have supported me so much over the last 6 months.  My mum alone has lost 15kgs in the last year and my dad has lost a massive 25kgs in the same time as me.
We talk food and how much we've changed out habits.  My mum blames the war, yes the war back in the 1930's for her food hoarding ways.  Mum was born in 1937 and grew up during the madness of WW2 in East and West Germany.  Life was extremely hard for them.  Lifestyles were taken away by the Nazi's on both side, my mum lost her infant brother due to bombings, many family member's fell forever asleep in concentration camps.  Food was something that was hard to find then.  The emotional baggage my mum carried from that stuck with her for years.  For as long as I can remember my mum has always made sure that we had food in the house, pantry, cupboards FULL.  We were NEVER without it.  Never permitted to leave the table unless our over heaped plates were emptied.  A clout around the ear was given is we didn't finish.  Being so young and not having the experience of hunger that mum had meant we never understood. Mum made sure we never went through what she did, the hunger cramps, the pains that shoot through her body craving food...the wanting.
Perhaps her kindness in that regard, the mother in her, was overboard with affection....to much was on offer, no boundaries were placed and we stuffed out selves fat.
All 5 of us have eating or weight issues.  My eldest brother died many years ago in a motor bike accident and it was found out that then he had bowel problems and wouldn't have seen another year anyway.  My other 2 brother's yo yo up and down with their weight, both have extremely physical trades and work their fingers to the bone and my sister....pfffttt the world owes her everything and nothing, weighing in at 180plus kg's...yet she wont help herself.  She'll be lucky to see in 2013 the rate she's eating.
Can you imagine the emotional scaring my mother has from all off this.  I can see the pain in her eye's and the shake in her voice as she talks concerningly about my sister.  There is no way i could ever blame my mum for our weight, we are our own worse enemies with food.  Shit I fight the stuff my face demon every day and thank god at night, when I go to bed that I did it again.
I have always been the sporty type of kid / person.  I use to run and walk everyday as a teenager.  This morning in the fog I giggled to myself about how I use to pretend I was training to become a soccer player and would take our dog to the local soccer field and do lap's and pretend to kick an imaginary ball for an hour every morning in the fog.  I was 12 or 13 and worried about my body image then.  I ran km's on a sandy beach every morning and night just to get away and lose myself in my thoughts at 15.
I suppose walking was always my down load....clearing my head, each step on the earth getting the anger, the pain and the shit out of my system.
I am thankful for the 12wbt program.  Ive had so much to deal with over the last few months and my outside session time has allowed me to debrief my soul and mind as well as shifting my arse.  Its been my anti depressant.  I get such a high after a good workout.  Today was awesome....down loaded so much crap this morning in my 5.30am start.  Walking and jogging 7km's in thick fog was exhilarating.  I then decided to be a sucker for punishment and went on to do another 2km's on an 11incline on a tready and 5km's on a bike at the gym, PLUS weights, planking and crunches.

and to think...it all started with a 1km walk that fucked me all day ROFL

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Sole mates

Saturdays are the BOO YEAH days!!! 1000 calorie burn baby!!!
I set my self a goal to walk and jog 15km's last night....3 laps of the of the huge 3.5km block us locals use, plus walking to and from it from my house, then adding another 1km on top of it.

My alarm scared the living crap out of me and without even thinking auto pilot kicked in. 
  • toilet first (ahhhhh)
  • Listerine my chopper's (cant have bad breath for my 'morning hello's to the other walkers)
  • throw on my 2 sport bra's ( girls jiggling wildly whilst jogging equal's OWIES!!!!!)
  • singlet and then deodorant to keep the stentch at bay
  • t-shirt - Michelle Bridges brand capri work out pants in red off course and slazenger jacket thrown on
  • Adidas tennis hat to accommodate unkempt, free balling hair
  • ipod check
  • and lastly...my beloved saucony omni runner's

These puppies have been my best friends since February.  I began with a pair of asics which tore my feet apart..in protest to my new found love of walking.  The blisters were horrible and the pain in the ball's of my feet were unbearable.  I took the plunge after having to take my shoes off 1km from due to them bleeding and weeping.

I will never forget the feeling the boy's gave me when they slipped onto my feet that first time.  They belonged to me...we completed each other.  We walked through a bad summer storm together, dodged a crazy woman who decided urinating in the street was the done thing (yes I kid you not, she stood and urinated, there in front of me without even blinking) and we ran together.

Over the last 2 weeks Ive noticed that my toes have started to splay out with my steps, feeling the foot path's hard concrete through them meant they were on their way to that great place in the sky...shoe utopia.

This morning, on lap 2 of my great 15km goal...my feet started screaming in pain.  Hello blister on my small toes, on the INSIDE of the toe just to make life more fun.  So my feet, being feet, decided to compensate the pain and walk more on the insides.....can you feel my pain???
Id rather have carrots stuck in my ears by the Easter bunny.

I completed my 15km's.  Picture is the time and the calories used for the mammoth effort

Once I took my shoes off i noticed how bad my feet were.
Into town I went on a mission to get me a new pair of sole mates.
After hobbling around from sports store to sports store I sat and kept back the tears after being told no we don't have an saucony's in store ATM.

Then - out of the mountains of shoes, a pair gleamed and called my name.

They have had their introductions and saucony has given Adidas a peep talk of what to expect.
The saucony boy's and I have walked over 600km's together.
The Adidas twins have got alot to live up to.

Saucony boy's
February 2012 - June 2012
Loved, forever more