Thursday, June 14, 2012

After the high...comes the low

Much awaited girls weekend was had recently.  A weekend to forget your worries, what your eating, what your doing, no children, no husband to banter......and your waistline to increase.
Here is a picture of me, on said weekend, with some of my gorgeous friends.
As you can see I'm in fine form, no worries in the world.
This is the first time ever in any of the 4 years of these times that i have actually felt comfortable and secure in myself to go out and have fun.  I danced, sung and laughed so much that night.  I felt like I was Queen of the world for a change.  Not once did I worry about how fat my clothes made me feel, shit me, I even wore a skin tight top, jeans and THESE huge heels (ones on the left)
All weekend I thought, blow it, I only do this once a year.....but once a year can turn into all year if your not careful.  This was a huge learning curb for me.  I began old eating habits almost straight away and luckily caught myself on the Saturday and slapped my self stupid about it.  By Sunday I was an emotional mess to what I had done to myself.

WHY did I let this happen again, why did I slip back into my food coma??

I had so many emotion's running through my mind and heart for day's prior, during and after.  The old, standing in a crowded room  and feeling lonely hit me a few times.  I let the wine and vodka kick in and welcomed my old friend back with warm arms only to feel used and abandoned by it the next day.
Depression came and sat for me making an uncomfortable stance with my inner positive flow jo.  I remember breaking down Sunday afternoon in my hotel room over how old maz had reacted to the situations presented to her over the few days prior and hated...absolutely HATED my response to it all.

The entire week since I have been on a massive low...dug myself into a makeshift hole with little breathing space and losing my heart in the process.  My runner's have been screaming at me for a walking but my heart has been broken and left in shattered pieces.

Tomorrow morning, I intend to take those beloved runners out and find those pieces and try my hardest to superglue them together.

wish me luck



  1. Oh Maz! I'm so sorry that you felt that way! You are an amazing, inspirational woman and you look shit hot! I'm not on your journey but have been on my own journey and it's OK to have a bad day/week/month - what matters is that you pick yourself back up again and get back on the wagon. Hope you are OK

  2. We all have our ups n downs mate.. You've come so far in this to fuck up now.. Once ya start walking that mindset will change again.. "GO MAZ!!"

  3. You can do. I believe in you!
    You deserved this weekend, you had a ball.
    Remember the strength and the willpower of last week? They are still there, grab them and run with them tomorrow.
    YOU CAN DO IT!!!
    I see it in you xxx

  4. Maz I did the same Thing I have been so Sick the past few weeks and actually lost weight from not eating then once I felt good enough to eat it was eat crap for a few days and probably put 20 kg back on I am so scared to actually get on the scales to see the damage :( like you I have slapped myself and Tomorrow it back on the wagon

    you deserved to have a Blow out and have fun especially how far you have come main thing is you had heaps of fun and yes go for a walk and it will put your mind back into mode again

  5. Ohhhhh Mazzy. I love your guts you know that woman???!!!?? You have been working your absolute GUTS out lately babe. You've done an amazing job. And this might of been the way you rewarded yourself? Or like you said it could of been emotional eating. So don't get upset about it ok? You've had a binge but you've RECOGNISED that you've had a binge and you've pinpointed the problem. So now we pick ourselves back up and learn from it. Next time we're in a situation where we are feeling like we need to emotionally binge on food what can we do instead? What can we replace food with? Remember Maz, you're only human like the rest of us. We all make mistakes and that's ok babe! You had a weekend where you let your hair down and had a blast. Please don't beat yourself up babe. Go for that walk, cause you know it will clear your head space and make you feel better. Remember too that eating shitty food really affects your mood. So get out those carrot sticks and put on those runners woman! Don't make me come down there and smack you!!! LOl xoxoxox

  6. Hey lovely lady,
    The good news is that you have NOT lost any of your fitness. Remember how far you'd been trekking and how many calories you were burning in the lead up to that weekend? Well you still have that ability!
    You know exactly what you have to do now Maz, so go NOW, put on your runners and walk / jog / run in them like you stole them!

  7. Hey Maz,
    I am one of the girls in that photo of you living it up and I just want to say that from the minute you saw me in the hotel corridor and gave me a hug, you put me straight at ease. I felt so welcome and comfortable around you and I'm really sorry I didn't pick up on your mood on Sunday :( I think this is a mental journey as well as a physical one. Changing your lifestyle and your habits and your self image is WAY more than what you eat or how hard you train (that shit's important too but mental change is central IMO). I think that weekend may have been more of a mental lapse for you but what I love is how uncomfortable it made you, even before the weekend was up. And it sucks to be low (I'm not wishing that on you mate) but I bet that next year, or in a similar situation again, you'll make different choices. Choices you'll be more comfortable with. Change doesn't come from staying in the comfort zone. You sound much wiser. Take the lesson, leave the crap and move forward. xx