Half empty / half full - how about just skull the fucker?

Yes I'm pinching it...saw it...liked it.....stole it....cause that's how I sometimes roll.

What am I talking about???
Greg did an awesome post about reflecting over the last week ( I might add he stole it from someone else to which makes it even better)
Now click on  THIS  to take you there and you'll see exactly what I mean.

So many of us only see the negative, some of us only the positive.
I try to see the positive...oh fuck me I do but there are times when I just turn into nasty bitch Maz and feel like stabbing everyone and everything around me with a fucking blunt spoon.

Let me now, reflect with you my week since last saturday


Glass half full - Nik and Wil decided it was a great time to fight over how to open the already broken back door on the car resulting in Wil snapping the handle completely.  I then became THAT psycho mum everyone say's they never are!  Yeah the swearing, youre all a bunch of little shits mum.

Glass half full - Mat decided he would take the opportunity, right then and there, with both hands and commenced to call me a fucking bastard.  Yes laugh if you will but at the time, my heart was in my ears and foam was forming at my mouth.  Worst thing - there's no fucking naughty corner to put the little shit in, in the car either is there!!!

Glass full - Bought a skinny girl dress of the 12wbt buy,sell, swap page....size XL...I've never bought that size from crossroads before as and didn't expect it to fit (please see inner fat girl point below)
well guess what not only does it fit, its actually a little big for me.

Glass full - Rest day was exactly that - vegging out, doing jack shit.  My brain needed to be numb and well, the body just followed.  Sleep is Gooooooddddddd

Glass half full - bought my train ticket so I could get into Melbourne for next week's weekend away...stupidly bought the ticket for friday instead of thursday...epic fucking fail!!!

Glass full - 4.50am wake ups for 3 mornings in a row, in 0 degree temp's...double layers still didn't keep the cold at bay but it was good to feel alive and fresh.

Glass half full - being freezing cold all day cause the 35kg's you've lost doesn't heat your body any more and all you want to do is curl up into the fetal position and rock back and forth muttering, to cold, must get warm.


Glass full - Having a full schedule, kids, work and life makes for getting fitness in pretty shitfull at times.  Its either very early in the morning or late at night.  Sadly my local gym doesn't open the hours I need and my PT bless is her knacked so it was time to venture out, trust myself and believe in what Ive been taught.  New Gym, 24 hour came to the rescue.  BIG GLASS FULL moment at last nights first session when other girls in there stopped what they were doing to watch my training partner and I on the weights.  We don't do huge ones but out PT taught us to be consistent and respectful to our abilities and bodies so I guess these girls noticed.

Of course selfies were in order

Glass half full - hubby came home monday night and for the first time ever, complained that I made  lasagna because we've had it far to much lately.....hmmmmm 3 times in a month, ok!  All I wanted to do was pick up the fucking thing and throw it at him..how the hell dare he bitch about what Ive fucking cooked! It healthy, full of veggies, the kids love it and Ive gotta go to work so suck it up bitch! Instead I told him well why don't you bloody cook then, I'm over this shit!  Stewing on it (yes this bitch is a stewer, fuck with me and I"ll plot your death 5 times over in a matter of the next year) I decided to get my cookjo on.   I made beef and veggie pies, seafood marinara and tonight he's getting home made bunless burgers.  If he doesn't like that he can kiss my big fat hair arse!

Glass full -  finally finished organising a girls weekend with some gorgeous girls.  We do it every year on the Queens Birthday weekend. We're basically a bunch of gal's who meet via an online forum years ago who get together, eat, drink, get merry and laugh until the cows come home.  I'm very confident that I wont over indulge, eat the 'wrong' things but I cant say the same for the alcohol that may be consumed.  Its still a big vice for me and I will try my hardest to be in control.  No doubt there may or may not be drunken toilet selfies again


Glass half full - inner fat girl came out this week...she's been in hiding for a while and felt the urge to reintroduce herself to me by telling me the new clothes I bought wouldn't fit cause I'm a size 26, my gutt was big and looked pregnant and my arse was bigger then the back of a jersey cow.  Yep didn't help that I bought a new pair of Black Milk Legging's and they were tight, my gutt flopped out over the top and I felt like the high I pulled them up, the more in your face my camel toe appear's.

(said Black Milk legging's)

 Bought a black dress to wear to Darwin and I saw ripples on the tops of my knee's....destructive fucking bitch this inner fat girl is.

She whispers all those old things to you aswell..you know the word's, the soothing, its alright, it will make you feel better...well fuck you old fat girl, you DONT WIN!  I wont let you! Back the hell off and go back to the depth's of my past where you belong!!!


Glass half full - I don't know what it is but my second smallest toe has decided to say Hello Maz, I'm gonna make you pay for all those thousands of KM's yourve walked and ran in the last 18 months. Its painful, but tolerable...bit like childbirth I suppose. And before you say get to the doctors...I will one day. For the mean time, extra thick bandages and tender walking are in order

Glass full - chocolate drink by Cadbury.....mint flavour...OHHHHH MY NOBBLY KNEE'S!  That stuff is just the bomb!  Only problem is you have to know when to say no more.  Some times to much of a good thing, fucks the good thing.

As for today

It isnt a Glass half full or a Glass full  day no no no  its not.  Its a just skull the fucker and get it over and done with kind of day.  Period - DOMS - headache - spectrum child who is telling me ever minute that he is Iron man whilst he is pretending to shoot god knows what out of his arm in sync with  jumping up and down on the spot....FML....pass my the vodka now please!!!

Tomorrow is a new day....isn't it?  Sunshine and lollie pop's - unicorns farting rainbows.....please say it's so.

xx

Teacher an old dog new tricks...

My fondest memory as a child was wrapping myself up in my daddy's big grey woollen cardie in the boot section of our holden wagon and lay there while the road rocked me to sleep as we were driving.
I always felt safe in that grey jacket, it smelt of my daddy, a big strong man who wasn't home all the time due to being on site for 15 hours a day, trying to feed his family.  He was often mad, driven by his tiredness, lashed out at the worst times and may not have been a father fairy tales are made of but he did his best, in his strong, stubborn and proud German way.

We were bought up to ask questions, listen to our elders, and respect each other.  Sadly the respect thing as by passed some of my siblings with age and instead of questioning they form opinions without listening to any others.  I can often see the hurt in my dad's eye's....I can see him thinking over, what the hell happened to my family?  When did we lose our connection?

My father's way's and word's have always been law. He spoke, you listened and followed.  That's the way it was.  He is the head of the family and being European, well that's just the way family roles.

Over the last few year's Ive notice my dad's sparkle and light in his eye's fade.  The lust for life he once had was diminishing.  The strong, solid man had turned into an old miserable, sickly man, riddled with illness, a bad heart, diabetes's (insulin dependant), asbestosis and the beginnings of emphysema setting in were starting to take a toll on him.  Ive taken him to quiet a few appointments to specialist's in Melbourne over this time.  Sometimes the news has been good, other times Ive walked out of the room trying my arse out not to shed a tear.

Last Thursday, dad asked me to help him.

Last Thursday his heart specialist in Melbourne told him he has to lose weight to get the new valve in his heart replaced.  He is to high risk to be operated on atm with his weight and pressure on his heart due to his large stomach.  I sat there, in the office watching and listening to my dad making excuses, the same ones I used 17 months ago.  I made eye contact with the Doctor and spoke

Dad I'll help you

My mum of course shot me a look.  How dare I step on her domain...she's cared and feed my father since they were 21....and yes mum you did a wonderful job BUT LOOK AT YOUR HUSBAND he's dying painfully.  Stop with the - we starved in the war so we eat everything..the war was 70 years ago...move on. Enough already!!!

Driving the 3 hours home, through peek hour traffic, in the rain was smashing down around us my dad, my big strong dad asked me what he needs to do because he wants to live, he wants to not be like this anymore.

At that moment I wanted to grab that grey cardigan and wrap my dad up in it.  To let him feel comfort and to feel safe.  This was my moment to give back, to help him and guide him.

By the time I dropped them off back at their home, I had told dad about the good and bad carb's...that to many apples aren't good for you and that processed shit (eg premade frozen easy meals) are full of crap and no matter how 'easy' they seem they are bad!  He told me he would get fresh fruit and veggies in the morning, prep his fridge with grated raw carrot, beetroot, cut tomatoes, onions, cucumbers and shredded lettuce so he can have veggie mountain breed wraps for lunch from now on.  He would stop eating pasta in the abundance he had and replace it with lettuce.  He even suggested that he may look into getting into the pool at the local gym but I wont get to excited about that just yet. I'll give him a few weeks and if he hasn't done it, I'll be organising one for him.

It felt good to be able to educate him on good, clean eating.  What he thought was good, wasn't bad...god it was a shit load better then what it was when we were growing up but it needed a ruffle up big time.  He asked me question's and I answered them truthfully in exactly the same fashion he and mum did for us as kids.

Let's face it, none of us want anything to happen to our parent's.  Death is just something I cant comprehend full stop.  If I can find away to help, god help me if it takes for me to shake the living shit out of them, then so be it.

I have four beautiful children, all of whom love my parent's hole hearted.  Mateauz my youngest has a very special bond with his Opa..shit he even had to buy his 'opa' a matching hat to his cause he loves him so much.  I want my parents, my dad to see them grow up to be young people.  To be part of their lives for a long time yet.

So dad I'm going to stick on your arse. I'm going to nag you about your food, come to your house through the week to get you up off your bum and at least walking cause  I don't want to wear that grey wool cardie you gave me and cry wishing I had done something more so you'd still be here.

xx

What goes up...must come crashing down

Yes Ive been quiet.....so not like me.  I feel like a part of me has died and I'm in mourning at the moment.  I try to go into the forum, the groups and comment but my heart is breaking and I don't have words to speak.
Whats wrong with me you ask

I am having major post finale blues.

The weekend is such a blur of excitement, happiness and fun that when you get home you suddenly remember, shit this is what my life is really about.  Back to the school lunches, making sure everyone has a uniform clean and fresh for the new school day.  Back to having the 5 year old scream and hit out at you because he is frustrated.  Having your 11 year old cry at the drop of a hat cause you fucked his routine by not being there to make the weekend run smooth for him.  Moody pre teenager grunting at you and a little girl who is talking 100 miles an hour, over joyed that her mama is back to cuddle her to sleep.

I cant even go into depth of the shit that was in my head over the weekend.  I pushed aside all the negative and really enjoyed my time with my friends.  I made loads of new ones, saw sides of others that I never have before and reopened my eyes to others.  I have walked away from it knowing that I no longer care what others think...I no longer want to be part of the vicious circle of hatred that can brew.  Nope - what goes on with others can just stay there...I don't want part of it anymore.  We're all here  on this earth to do the best we can...and yep we're gonna piss people off in the process, I know I do.....so be it.  Fuck the haters, fuck the people who don't get us..who has time for them?  I'm tired of over thinking,  trying to keep the calm...nope, cant be arsed anymore.  I have enough issues to deal with in my personal life then to have that on board.  Don't go PMing me either, I'm not interested in having to explain what I think and feel.  If you think this is about you, well sorry you have the guilt's but build a bridge, get over it.  I'm building mine right now and its made of very strong steel.

Yes...life goes on and it should be up all the time...atm no its not.

First thing monday I got back into my PT sessions...man I love them, possibly not the cold 5am morning but I love my PT and my training buddy.  I have discovered planks and I are not friend.  They fucking hurt!!! I swear I had major DOM's in my back, I was so sore wednesday, went to do my dead lifts and BANG back pulled really bad.  I dropped the weights pronto and my PT made me stretch out straight away.  I swear this is what saved my back...it hurt but not as much as I could of.  I've had to take friday and monday's sessions off and no work saturday because of the pain.  Sunday was the mothers day classic.  I drugged myself up with pain killers and volteran just so I could do  it with my little girl.  Yep, my 6 year old begged me to do it with her. How could I let her down?

Yes - sunday morning came and we both did the Mothers Day Classic in Shepparton.

Excitedly she got me to write Oma's name on her honour slip because Oma is a breast cancer survivor and she's a hero (Vy's words)

She insisted on wearing my 12WBT hat cause Michelle is her hero as well cause she helped make  mum better.

Vyolett was ubber excited to do the warm up exercises and even more excited when the race began.

I am so so proud of my little Vyolett.  After suffering bad back pain and wearing a brace for 4 weeks, my little girl ran 2km's of the 4km course, right by my side.  I cant tell you how much my heart smiled, shit even writing this I'm tearing up with pride.  For 40 min's I forgot how sore my back was, forgot how much it pinched....for 40 min's my little girl and I ran, walked, laughed and talked while holding hands.  I couldn't have asked for a better Mothers day present ever.

Sadly Vyolett was heart broken that she didnt receive a medal after completing her race.

After saying something in the wonderful 30 plus group Julie sent a message to Rebecca who was working at the MDC in Melbourne and managed to get not just one for Vy but one for me.

Word's cant express how thankful I am to you both for going out of your way to make Vyolett so happy.  Its selfless act's like your own that give light and love to each day to many people.  Thank you.

Tomorrow is wednesday, first weigh in for this new round.  I have my doubts that Ive managed to lose any weight since starting.  My body aches for me to get up and go for a work out....I'm hanging to get back into it tomorrow, easily of course but I'm back there.  I need to lift this fog..this head space isn't healthy and its twisting my control muscle.

For today though, I am working on my inspiration board (with a difference - what else did you expect) getting my shit back together and kicking my own arse very hard.

First things first, I have a new 'yellow dress'  I bought it last round, its tight, holly hell my boobs are strangling me but its going to be my new goal dress.

 So here to make myself accountable, are my first pics of it....I  feel like a look like a really bad Los Vegas hooker in it...its unattractive but my goal is for this to fit me nicely without the ripples and dimples that come with it.

Bring on the next 12 weeks.....no more downs....only ups peep's.

Epic Weekend!!! EPIC round!!! Part 2

Saturday afternoon went in a blur of excitement.  The ants in my pants were running wild and I just couldn't sit for longer then 1 min.  I have no idea how the hell I managed to sit long and still enough to get my hair and make up done.  Looking around the room I was in awe of how many beautiful woman were there.  

How many woman were coming out of their cocoon's and transforming into devine princesses.

Ive gotta say though, Tania De Ross organises a great do.  I felt like a million buck's being pampered.  The girls were awesome and just chatting to them helped ease the butterflies.  I aimlessly looked around though to catch a glimpse of some of the girls I know and smiled and waved happily when I caught glimpse of Donna across from me.

Now if you want to know why I get my hair and makeup done by Tania's crew check out the following

Before

 After

Yep they work magic I tell ya!!!

Its work EVERY cent...even days after I still have eye liner in place, although sleeping with false eyelashes on and find them glued to your forehead the next morning isn't as attractive.

Back to the hotel we toddled with loads of people pointing, staring and smiling at us.

Oh yeah, we looked hot.

Then shit began to hit the fan!!!

Jokingly I took a picture in my smalls and posted it via Instagram on my Face book page with the comment

my outfit :(

Now at the time I was pissed cause I accidental put a sad face at the end of my comment, it was meant to be a smiley face.  I was being a smart arse and I friggen cursed myself in the process because 10 mins later

the zipper on my dress fucking broke!!! 

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Yep if its gonna happen it going to happen to Maz.

Now normally I would of packed another 2 dresses with me but I was so cock sure that I wanted this dress that I didn't bother this time.  I had no other dresses to wear!

I wasn't going to wear any other dress either.  I sat there for half an hour trying to fix the dam zip and I was ready to shred the fucking dress to pieces in at one stage.  Melinda went to the shops to have a look while I got the sewing kit out and sewed up half of the zipper.

Melinda came back, we pinned it and hoped for the best.  Down at reception we borrowed the stapler and stapled part of it together.  Due to my last 2 weeks of weight work, my back had increased and the zipper didn't want to be party to it.  

So because of all of this, my dress now sat completely wrong, I had a huge section in the back that hung wrong.  I thought I was going to be late for the pre dinner drinks with Michelle and all I wanted to do was cry.

I was so thankful that Melinda and I walked so much over the last 5 months.  We power walked, shoes in hand to the meet up making it with 5 minutes to spare.  

Inside I got to speak to Michelle and we laughed about my mishap.  Most of all she put me to ease.  It was lovely to be able to chat and feel normal around her, without all the silliness.  It felt like Id known here for years.  To soon she was off and chatting to the next person but I will never forget how sincere and warm she was when I spoke to her.  How wonderful her crew were and how supportive, friendly and warm everyone was.

Few more pictures were taken for publicity and then we had the opportunity to have first dibs at drinks and food.  I still by this stage hadn't had anything to eat or drink.  I had 2 glasses of water and toddled over to a comfy leather couch, paranoid I'd leave either a wet patch or snail trail, while I pulled up my dress for the 10th time.

It was a funny sight to see the doors open and watch people spill into the room. Watching peoples faces explode into smiles and awe at the beauty of what they saw.  It was magical.

7.30 came and I made my way towards the stage.  10 of us little peeps standing there, crap in dacks.  I felt out of place, weird.  The entire time I had no idea what category I was in the running for, although so many people said blog of the round. I shrugged it off...I write this from me, as me...I don't see it as spectacular or anything.  Standing on stage I felt huge for the first time in ages.  I haven't let me weight effect me much for months. Ive been at a happy place and totally comfortable but up there I felt like a giant in comparison to the other ladies.  They seemed so little and slim to me, ozzzing confidence. Shit how did I let this feeling get back into my brain again. How did I let the fat girl come back.

 Breath Maz it will soon be over.

I looked out into the crowd..I couldn't see anyone and I really didn't want to make eye contact with anyone I didn't know.  I was fighting back the tears the entire time on stage, trying to keep my shit together.

Of course first award that gets announced is for Blogger...I'm hearing Michelle's voice

she's one of my 30 plus group - a Victorian - says it how it is, a girl true to my heart.

Then my name

Did I hear right...NO FUCKING WAY!

But the other girl that was up there said she was a sure thing for blogger it has to be her.  No not me, why did you pick me?  I'm no one.

Auto pilot kicked in, I have no idea what I said, I was so scared shitless that my dress would fall down that I stumbled and stood like I had a stick up my arse.  My second big toe was killing me and the entire time I was thinking I want my shoes off my feet hurt...just let me take my shoes of.

The rest of the stage time was a blur.  I remember clapping and cheering on the other winners and smiling from ear to ear and then being ushered of.

I was meet up so many people congratulating me, my head started spinning.  I lost it, I remember being drawn in for a hug by a special person and just crying.  It finally hit me.

Greg bless his socks passed me a beer after I said I needed one.

My first drink in 6 months with Greg who has been a great inspiration to me over the last few months.

Now I know I was going to stay sober and I was really scared of going overboard due to my past abuse with it but I took notice and stopped myself when I felt I had to much.  I have never stopped myself before.  Its huge for me...I was winning.

Yes I may have been a bit drunk but I was happy not mad, not abusive.  I have been fighting with myself over the last week about this.  I was pissed off that I decided to drink in the first place. I really really didn't want to go back there but there was a difference in me now.

I knew my limit and enjoyed it for the first time ever.

I haven't had a drink since and I have no urges to do so.  Another win for me.

My point of stopping came when I went to the toilet and couldn't get back up. 

Alarm bell's started ringing really loudly and decided to take a picture to send to my husband right there and then.  A picture that I will look at and remember how I finally have become aware of how far I can come and how far I still have to go but most of all how much I won within me that night.

The rest of the night was spent laughing, dancing and photo bombing other peoples photo's.

I had so many people come up to me, congratulating me....I'm so sorry if I didn't recognise you, I wasn't being a stuck up bitch I was just...happy.

Thank you to to those who tried to fix my dress on several occasion's.  It wasn't fixable and I really should of gone and changed but what fun would that have been.  To top it off my necklace and handbag broke aswell....3 times the charm isn't it.

The night was celebrated with those who have guided me, been my shoulder, my friend and support over the last year and a half.  That's what these nights are about.

Not getting into the wank factor of being near Michelle or those who are very well known in the 12wbt community.  Its about spending it with those who know what you have done, have been there together in the last 3 months and who are your genuine friends.

I am truly blessed to have been with so many of my friends Saturday night.

 Thank you to two special woman who have guided me, inspired me and been there for me through thick and thin.

Melinda and Naomi
you both don't realise how much you mean to me.
Thank you both so much for your wisdom, friendship and love.

There will be a part 3 to this story.

I have some major issues in my head atm that need to explode out.

But you'll have to wait for that post.

I need some mama little man time.

Epic Weekend!!! EPIC round!!! Part 1

I have been sitting here in a daze since ... well last Thursday.  Ive laughed, been moody, cried half way through laughing, screamed, been morbid, exhausted, hypo, overwhelmed, over joyed.

BUT

I am still me.

Take you guys back to last Thursday...sitting waiting for the school bell to go so I could take my babies home from school and Mateauz goes and splits his chin wide open on the concrete stairs.  Holly shit this kid is going to be the death of me!  Off to the doctor's to get it glued together we go...cause of this Maz runs late for work...Maz cries in car..FUCKING STRESS!!!!

Through the night I kept checking my phone incase Jed messages me that Mateauz has knocked himself out or god knows what.  At 7pmish I receive this email

Congratulations!

You are one of the top 10 Finalists for Round 1, 2013!! This year we are doing things a little bit different - there will be the top two Overall Transformations, Advanced Lean & Strong award, Blogger of the Round and Inspirational Role Model. These five awards will go to one of the 10 finalists, could it be you!?!

Say fucking WHAT?!!!

Surely not me....they must of sent it to the wrong person???  no really...someone is playing a funny joke on me and their gonna piss themselves laughing when I reply back.

Driving home was a blur as I spoke to Kirsty all the way...well if you could all it walking, there was a hell of alot of screaming going on.

I made a decision not to say anything openly in the 30 plus group or my FB page incase it was a mistake.

This type of thing doesn't happen to me..no no.

I don't think I slept Thursday night.  Excitement at meeting up with my gorgeous friends and this news made me think far to much.  I think by the time my 5am training session came I had had 4 hours sleep...yes I did say 5am and training in the same sentence.  Ain't no excuses to not get off arse and get into it.

Come Friday I kissed my babies goodbye at school drop off and got ready for what was to be a total eye opening weekend.

I was going to meet such a variety of people, some shy, some loud, some just well them. 

 Loved every single one of them.

Me...shit I was so overwhelmed by everything that I sat back.  My nerves were round housing each other in my stomach so if I thought to much, the urge to urinate there and then made itself known.

Friday dinner was fabulous...so many faces and names to remember...I am totally crap at remembering names.  So I smiled and tried to make a mental note but that urge to urinate would hit me time and time again.  One thing that I do remember was how different I now eat.  I watched people eating things I use to love, shit my mouth use to water and my urge to grab it out of their hands and throw it down my throat before them was totally gone.  I really surprised myself, in a good way.  I didn't eat hot chips, the smell turned me off to start with.  I use to love a good parmi but the sight of the melted cheese on top made a little bit of spew enter my mouth.  As cute as the miniature hamburgers were the thought of all that bread in my stomach made my arse clench.

I spoke to some amazing people that night.  Smiled, laughed and even got myself a newly appointed manager and stand in Maz. 

I also realised how many other people were nervous. I noticed how many people would look at your name badge and then stand back so to speak.  I thought it was weird but then got to thinking that perhaps I wasn't the only one who was a little intimidated by the sheer amount of people there. Meeting people you speak to on the net for so long in the flesh can be a bit of a spin out.

I got to speak and chat to one of my inspiration's and spoke to others who had given a bit of themselves to me without realising.

It truly was a wonderful night.  Organised so well,  even if we did look like a lesbian speed dating night at some stages (to quote my manager).  Shit I even won a lucky door prize. Which reminds me I must dig that out so I can read it

I didn't drink a drop of alcohol Friday night either.  I was more then happy with my water plus I didn't want to make to much of an arse of myself...nahhh I'll wait for Saturday night for that.

I began to tell people I was in the top 10...lets face it, those who know me, know I cant lie for shit.  That overwhelming feeling came up time and time again...so many people were excited for me...why wasn't I as excited as them?  Don't get me wrong, I was but being up on the stage.. I was going to have to stand up on the stage SHIT!!!! No I cant do that, I'll trip and fall, I'll end up doing something utterly stupid.  Perhaps though...OMG would that mean I finally get a medal?  My first? OK ultimate payment would be a medal. Get your shit together Maz...you can do this....off to the toilet again I go.

Saturday was exciting....there was such a wonderful buzz in the air.  Breakfast was tremendous. To see so many of the 30 plus crew hanging out together, smiling, laughing and happy.  It really gave me the warm and fuzzies.  My mood became softer and mellower.

I ended up in the top 5 fancy dressed people.  I wore my jester Black milk legging's accompanied with a hat and a stick.  I didn't win, how could I with the awesome appearance of Greg and his girls dressed in the a borat G Banger and rainbow hair. They looked fucking awesome! 

Now I was naughty and departed before the workout began.

Yes 3 firm smacks for Maz.

My wonderful friend and support person Melinda, Melanie and I high tailed it to the once in a blue moon Black Milk sale in Collingwood.

Now if you know me, I love Black Milk.  I wore my muscle legs to the Sydney work out and my jester leg's to the Melbourne work out.

I had to meet the guys in the flesh and help Melanie pop her black milk cheery.

I was wrapped.  

I got to see one of my beautiful and close friends there

Tracy who also has a great love for Black milk

I also saw a few others that I haven't seen in such a long time.

 Of course I had to take pictures with the boys

They were bloody awesome!!

I also had to star fish in the pile of leg's, I may or maynot have even farted in excitement in this picture.

Saturday night started all well and good

but you'll have to check out part 2 for what happened

End of Round 1 - 2013

I'm sitting here, Friday morning looking at my suitcase which is busting at the seam's, ready for me to drag it to the train station to catch the 12.57 pm to Melbourne.

I barely slept last night...excitement of getting away from the kid's, having some girl time and spending loads of time with a heap of people that Ive come to call my friends via the net.  There is so much crammed into this weekend. Meet up tonight, HUGE workout tomorrow with atleast 1000 people, cab ride over the the Black Milk sale in Collingwood, back to the hotel for a quick shit, shower and shave before hair and makeup.  THEN the huge party where we laugh, cry and dance our socks off until they kick us out.   I'm really thankful I'm not taking the 6am flight back home like we did from Sydney...oh man, hang over was fierce and jet lagged kicked in on the train on the way home.

Looking at my results this round have stumped me.  While Ive lost 3kg's and approx 14cms I've lost a huge amount from my gunt, lost my kankles  and coffee table back.  Thankfully all my details were still stored in the program form my previous rounds.

These were my stat's when I started Round 1 - 2012.  I had already lost a vast amount of me via pre season but still....it wasn't pretty and I remember crying when I put the numbers in thinking I would NEVER see them again!

Chest - 120.5cm
Waist - 117cm
Hips - 137cm
Left leg - 75cm
Right Leg - 75cm
Left arm - 40cm
Right arm - 40cm

I look at those numbers and I wonder how I never saw how high they were.  Shit me, my legs were 5cm's smaller then the recommended waist size of a woman. My arms just a little smaller them my daughters waist.  I was a walking advertisement for Michelin Tyre's for fuck sake.  My one regret was not measuring my gunt  and my neck. If your starting out now...DO IT for the love of god.

My stats from the end of this round

Chest - 104cm
Waist - 90cm
Hips - 115cm
Left leg -  61cm
Right leg - 61cm
Left arm - 33.5cm
Right arm - 33.5cm

The difference 15 months, hard work, lots of good healthy food, water, exercise and will power does

Chest - 15.5cm
Waist - 27cm
Hips - 22cm
Left leg - 14cm
Right leg - 14cm
Left arm - 6.5cm
Right arm - 6.5 cm

That's a difference of 105.5cm that's  bloody meter!!!!!  I'm sitting here, looking down thinking where the fuck did I have it, how did I live like that???

Don't get me wrong...I still have my fat girl in a skinny body days. You know the ones, when you go clothes shopping and you still go into the plus sized clothing section...or look in the mirror and get depressed at what you see.  But hey, I don't think it matters if your big, small, short or tall, we all have shit mirror / body image days.  We just need to be mindful of not allowing that old mindset to set in and feed that day for us.

I have no doubt I'm going to be having a is my gunt hang low or does my arse look big in these day sometime this weekend....I just have to keep in mind someone out there will be having a bad camel toe day as well.

Until the other side of the weekend. My shower is calling

xxx