Saturday afternoon went in a blur of excitement. The ants in my pants were running wild and I just couldn't sit for longer then 1 min. I have no idea how the hell I managed to sit long and still enough to get my hair and make up done. Looking around the room I was in awe of how many beautiful woman were there.
How many woman were coming out of their cocoon's and transforming into devine princesses.
Ive gotta say though, Tania De Ross organises a great do. I felt like a million buck's being pampered. The girls were awesome and just chatting to them helped ease the butterflies. I aimlessly looked around though to catch a glimpse of some of the girls I know and smiled and waved happily when I caught glimpse of Donna across from me.
Now if you want to know why I get my hair and makeup done by Tania's crew check out the following
Yep they work magic I tell ya!!!
Its work EVERY cent...even days after I still have eye liner in place, although sleeping with false eyelashes on and find them glued to your forehead the next morning isn't as attractive.
Back to the hotel we toddled with loads of people pointing, staring and smiling at us.
Oh yeah, we looked hot.
Then shit began to hit the fan!!!
Jokingly I took a picture in my smalls and posted it via Instagram on my Face book page with the comment
my outfit :(
Now at the time I was pissed cause I accidental put a sad face at the end of my comment, it was meant to be a smiley face. I was being a smart arse and I friggen cursed myself in the process because 10 mins later
the zipper on my dress fucking broke!!!
FUCK FUCK FUCK
Yep if its gonna happen it going to happen to Maz.
Now normally I would of packed another 2 dresses with me but I was so cock sure that I wanted this dress that I didn't bother this time. I had no other dresses to wear!
I wasn't going to wear any other dress either. I sat there for half an hour trying to fix the dam zip and I was ready to shred the fucking dress to pieces in at one stage. Melinda went to the shops to have a look while I got the sewing kit out and sewed up half of the zipper.
Melinda came back, we pinned it and hoped for the best. Down at reception we borrowed the stapler and stapled part of it together. Due to my last 2 weeks of weight work, my back had increased and the zipper didn't want to be party to it.
So because of all of this, my dress now sat completely wrong, I had a huge section in the back that hung wrong. I thought I was going to be late for the pre dinner drinks with Michelle and all I wanted to do was cry.
I was so thankful that Melinda and I walked so much over the last 5 months. We power walked, shoes in hand to the meet up making it with 5 minutes to spare.
Inside I got to speak to Michelle and we laughed about my mishap. Most of all she put me to ease. It was lovely to be able to chat and feel normal around her, without all the silliness. It felt like Id known here for years. To soon she was off and chatting to the next person but I will never forget how sincere and warm she was when I spoke to her. How wonderful her crew were and how supportive, friendly and warm everyone was.
Few more pictures were taken for publicity and then we had the opportunity to have first dibs at drinks and food. I still by this stage hadn't had anything to eat or drink. I had 2 glasses of water and toddled over to a comfy leather couch, paranoid I'd leave either a wet patch or snail trail, while I pulled up my dress for the 10th time.
It was a funny sight to see the doors open and watch people spill into the room. Watching peoples faces explode into smiles and awe at the beauty of what they saw. It was magical.
7.30 came and I made my way towards the stage. 10 of us little peeps standing there, crap in dacks. I felt out of place, weird. The entire time I had no idea what category I was in the running for, although so many people said blog of the round. I shrugged it off...I write this from me, as me...I don't see it as spectacular or anything. Standing on stage I felt huge for the first time in ages. I haven't let me weight effect me much for months. Ive been at a happy place and totally comfortable but up there I felt like a giant in comparison to the other ladies. They seemed so little and slim to me, ozzzing confidence. Shit how did I let this feeling get back into my brain again. How did I let the fat girl come back.
I looked out into the crowd..I couldn't see anyone and I really didn't want to make eye contact with anyone I didn't know. I was fighting back the tears the entire time on stage, trying to keep my shit together.
Of course first award that gets announced is for Blogger...I'm hearing Michelle's voice
she's one of my 30 plus group - a Victorian - says it how it is, a girl true to my heart.
Then my name
Did I hear right...NO FUCKING WAY!
But the other girl that was up there said she was a sure thing for blogger it has to be her. No not me, why did you pick me? I'm no one.
Auto pilot kicked in, I have no idea what I said, I was so scared shitless that my dress would fall down that I stumbled and stood like I had a stick up my arse. My second big toe was killing me and the entire time I was thinking I want my shoes off my feet hurt...just let me take my shoes of.
The rest of the stage time was a blur. I remember clapping and cheering on the other winners and smiling from ear to ear and then being ushered of.
I was meet up so many people congratulating me, my head started spinning. I lost it, I remember being drawn in for a hug by a special person and just crying. It finally hit me.
Greg bless his socks passed me a beer after I said I needed one.
My first drink in 6 months with Greg who has been a great inspiration to me over the last few months.
Now I know I was going to stay sober and I was really scared of going overboard due to my past abuse with it but I took notice and stopped myself when I felt I had to much. I have never stopped myself before. Its huge for me...I was winning.
Yes I may have been a bit drunk but I was happy not mad, not abusive. I have been fighting with myself over the last week about this. I was pissed off that I decided to drink in the first place. I really really didn't want to go back there but there was a difference in me now.
I knew my limit and enjoyed it for the first time ever.
I haven't had a drink since and I have no urges to do so. Another win for me.
My point of stopping came when I went to the toilet and couldn't get back up.
Alarm bell's started ringing really loudly and decided to take a picture to send to my husband right there and then. A picture that I will look at and remember how I finally have become aware of how far I can come and how far I still have to go but most of all how much I won within me that night.
The rest of the night was spent laughing, dancing and photo bombing other peoples photo's.
I had so many people come up to me, congratulating me....I'm so sorry if I didn't recognise you, I wasn't being a stuck up bitch I was just...happy.
Thank you to to those who tried to fix my dress on several occasion's. It wasn't fixable and I really should of gone and changed but what fun would that have been. To top it off my necklace and handbag broke aswell....3 times the charm isn't it.
The night was celebrated with those who have guided me, been my shoulder, my friend and support over the last year and a half. That's what these nights are about.
Not getting into the wank factor of being near Michelle or those who are very well known in the 12wbt community. Its about spending it with those who know what you have done, have been there together in the last 3 months and who are your genuine friends.
I am truly blessed to have been with so many of my friends Saturday night.
Thank you to two special woman who have guided me, inspired me and been there for me through thick and thin.
Melinda and Naomi
you both don't realise how much you mean to me.
Thank you both so much for your wisdom, friendship and love.
There will be a part 3 to this story.
I have some major issues in my head atm that need to explode out.
But you'll have to wait for that post.
I need some mama little man time.