Day 3 - nasty nasty

What am I talking about

fucking celery!!!

You can dip that shit in chocolate, wrap it up in bacon or pay me a million dollars

I wont be having that in my juice again!

I can handle it cooked in in small amounts but in juice

no, no maz says FUCKING NO!!

I don't care how much YOU love it, how yummy it is, how good it is for my body.

Its disgusting!

I took my morning breaky juice and had my head in the sink, dry ralphing with an audience of 4 kids laughing at me cause I drank that green 'slim' and 2 cats trying to catch glimpse of what wasn't coming out of my throat.

I have to say though I really don't feel hungry.  My tummy isn't screaming out FEED ME, its my brain.

I feel like Ive given up smoking again.  My ciggies were always in my hand, it gave my hands something to do. Instead my mouth hasn't got food in it to chew and they want something to do.

Last night - I caved and had a salad sandwich...yep all my brain could do was tell me I needed  it and I went with it.
Know what I discovered.
Half way through it I thought why am I eating this, I'm not even hungry.  It doesn't taste right.
I finished it and sat there wondering why on earth I did what I just did.
Even though I was getting everything from my juice was I missing just food in general?

I have to serve customers this sort of food every night.  Before 12wbt and my life change I would of stood there, with my mouth watering and busting everything to sit and inhale the lot. Now...meh couldn't give a shit.   I took my night juice with me to work last night and I very happily drank that.  I did get a giggle out of my boss and work colleges as they screwed up their faces at it.
Yet I still had that sandwich.  After a night with tummy cramps I made a decision.
I would have a snack of raw fruit / veggies with a home made dip of no fat Greek yogurt and french onion soup combined.
It worked a treat.  No wanting to eat anything tonight, even though I made a roast chicken with steamed veggies and roast potatoes.  Nothing.
OH and best of all, tried the dip on the kids and they LOVED it. Mateauz even asked me for more.
Seems he's become a bit of a juice lover aswell. Informing us if its nioce or yucky...he was spot on with the celery one of course *wink*

I think I may have OD'ed on the orange concoction from yesterday as well, lets just say the gases protruding from my butt werent' pretty and the smell of fermented oranges remained in my bedroom until I opened the windows and aired it out this morning.  Bloody bastard didn't help with this stupid cough either.
I will make sure I don't put so many oranges into my juices from now on

When you think about it though, the amount of whole foods that are put into juice in comparison to what you would eat is hugely different.  There is no way I would eat 2 apples at one time, let alone all the other ingredient's involved in one glass of juice.
I'm starting to feel a little lively again.  My bloating has simmered down.  My house has looked like a bomb site for the last few months due to travelling, family business and work commitments..this weekend has seen me tip Vy's bedroom on its ear, pump out an order and prep for another, actual fold washing once it was dry and began on the mammoth task of decluttering our room. Shit I might even unpack my suitcase from my girls weekend in Darwin from 3 weeks ago yet.

Here's to monday and day 4

ETA

Recipe for dip
no fat Greek yogurt and 1 packet of french onion dip

enjoy
xx

Day 1 DONE!

Cant believe it...one day done and dusted.
I never thought that I would find just juice filling enough.  No chewing was done yesterday and my jaw doesn't miss it.

It was lovely not to wake up through the night with the normal pains in my bowel's and feeling like I had slightly soiled myself this morning.  Here's to hopefully cutting down potty time to twice a day instead of the usually 5 -6.  I mentioned this detox to someone yesterday and they said get ready to shit through the eye of a needle.  Sadly that's nothing new to me.  I'm really hoping that by doing this detox that my bowel gets clean and my body gets rebooted.

Today, due to my stupid bloody flu I'm going to be making this OJ juice for my 'snacks'
I need a huge vitamin boost cause cold and flu tablets are doing shit and I'm so sick of coughing my lungs out.  This has been my first flu in 13 months so I guess I cant really complain.

Ingredients:
2 small oranges
2 handfuls chopped pineapple
1 inch ginger root
3 leaves romaine or green leaf lettuce
Squeeze of lime
Dash of ground turmeric and ginger

Directions:1.) Peel oranges.

2.) Core and chop pineapple.

3.) Cut lime in half and cut ginger root.

4.) Wash lettuce.

5.) Place oranges, pineapple, lettuce and ginger root in juicer.

6.) Pour into glass then squeeze lime and stir.

7.) Sprinkle the juice with a dash of ground turmeric and ground ginger.

Enjoy!

Substitutions:Oranges – grapefruit
Pineapple – kiwi fruit
Lime – lemon
Ginger – lemon
Turmeric – cayenne


Working in a fish and chip store has its ups and downs. Last night I turned a down into an up.  Having fellow staff continuously tell me that they are 'starving' and another ask me at least 3 times in one shift ' so Maz whats for dinner at your house tonight ' doesn't help my cause either. I totally HATE thinking about food all the time.    Tray of chips came out and I thought hmmm just one chip and I stopped myself right there.

I began to question myself to why I wanted that 1 chip

• was I really hungry?
• was it cause of the smell?
• did it look appealing to me?

OMG my brain did a back flip...holly shit something CLICKED finally!!!

• no I wasn't hungry at all, actually quiet the opposite, my tummy wasn't asking for food at all
• the smell was actually blerg.  All I smelt was the oil used to cook the food in
• HELL NO!!!  it looks...revolting to me.  

I was socially eating...like those social smokers. We all know its not good for us but we grab at what we can get to fit in, be part of the cool group.  I wanted to eat that one chip because it was there and I had to have it before anyone else could.

I didn't eat that chip or its friends.  I took the entire tray and threw them into the bin with a smile.

WIN WIN WIN

Now day 2 has started and WOW is all I can say.

Cleansing of the bowels and mind

I have a problem with my bowel as many of you would know.  It will never be the same as it was prior my cyst's and at the moment, Ive suffering alot of pain and leakage due to bad choices and being sick.

Last night before bed hubby changed the channel and a program called Fat, sick and nearly dead came up.  Now Ive seen it before and shrugged it off.  There was no way that shit was for me.  BUT last nigh when I heard Joe Cross talking something in me snapped.  Shit maybe, just maybe if I cleansed my bowel on his super dooper 10 day detox, then maybe I wouldn't have so much pain, discomfort and leakage.  Just maybe I could help it.  I eat so many raw veggies normally BUT I do tend to go over board with my meat. I eat far to much of it for my liking.

So Joe talks about rebooting your system by drinking fresh juice made of fresh veggies and fruit.
THIS is what got me

When you consume only juice, your system is flooded with an abundance of vitamins, minerals and phytonutrients that help your body stay strong and fight disease.

I need that, I seek it...NOW!

Hubby agreed, what the hell have I got to lose??  Shit if it doesn't help, Ive done nothing but fill my body with pure fresh fruit and veggies for 10 days.  There is no calorie counting, no scales in sight.  No more head fuck!

This morning, after dropping my babies of to school I took my ample arse to the green grocer and bought up on the veggies for several of Joe's juices and his detox soup.  I also bought myself a new juicer.

Now I'm hearing you ahhh I don't have the money for it...pfft my answer - How much is your health worth? Seriously..people are so quick to go and buy a Big Mac meal of crap for $10, why not spend that on fresh fruit and veggies??

What I spent today 

• $31 on a juicer from Coles
• $25.40 are the green grocer which included - Kale - cos lettuce - leeks - cucumbers - garlic - ginger and a huge box of apples
• $15.56 at Coles in Shepparton which included 6kg's of juicing carrots - lemons - celery and baby spinach
• oh and another $5.10 on vegetable stock.

that should last 2 of us...yes 2 of us a week.  

And there for it began this morning 

Love seeing so much fresh produce in my kitchen...it smelt amazing.

My first juice every morning will be this one

Joe’s Mean Green Juice
This recipe makes 2 servings.
Ingredients:
6 kale leaves (Australian Tuscan Kale) 
2 cucumbers
2 celery stalks 
1 apple
1/2 lemon

Small piece of gingerroot, 1in./2.5cm

Now I'm not the worlds biggest fan of celery...no lets rephrase that, I hate the shit with a passion! And to mix it up with cucumbers FUCK!!!! *shudders!!!

I think my face says it all..it tasted like SHIT!!!!

Hoping for a HUGE improvement and praying like a mad bitch that it grows on me!

Worse this I have encountered today

Having my mother come here and go into detail of what she is cooking for the next week.

FUCK NO MOTHER!!!

I love you woman but shit me, I just told you what I'm doing and you go telling my about the lamb roast your making Sunday and the goulash you plan on making next FUCKING WEDNESDAY

arrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrhrrhrh

Here's to day 1....and the other 9 days that follow.

Mental note - do not call mum for 3 days.

For those who'd like to read more about Joe and his program follow

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

Sitting, thinking in the dark

Yes..Ive been quiet and no its not a good sign.  I tend to go quiet when things fester at me.  I withdraw and dig deep into what is going on inside me head, my body.   Sometimes it can be destroying, sometimes it can be a fan fair.  This time, for me, it was a moment on clarification and direction.

Last round I said no more rounds.  Yet here I am, doing my sixth and LAST round.  Yes I said LAST!
I'm finding its the same ride, over and over again.  The same highs and lows. The same questions asked by others every round....its a ride Id like to get off and allow myself to try and walk straight on my own.  Life is repetitive enough in my household without having my private space invaded by it.

The decision came clear yesterday when I attended my sister in laws baby shower.  Beautiful day, lots of love, laughter and fun had.  Wine was flowing, company was fantastic and food was great.  My mother in law did mention quiet to many times is that what Michelle Bridges would want you to eat  though.  Its one of the reasons I stayed quiet when I first began my weight lose journey.  Whilst she is trying to be positive about it and meaning no malice, having people continuously mentioning it when you are around food is grating.  Shit its hard enough fighting yourself in your own head without having the extra pressure to perform for others.  Mind you, the banana muffins are MB's banana bread recipe and the chicken and leak pies were small versions of the bowl kind MB has in the meal program so healthy GOOD food was plenty.  I did enjoy mentioning that and I think one of my sister in laws did as well.

I vaguely heard one of my sister in laws telling her auntie, who had asked where I was that I was the one half her size now.  I actually heard the happiness in her voice when she said it.  She has never said anything more to me about how I have changed, which has been good as I have felt quiet a bit of pressure but to hear her emotion in her voice when she said it made my heart smile with happiness.  its not the words that are spoken sometimes that give us the light bulb moments is it...its the little things that spark the fire.

Perhaps it was the super moon shining down on us while we drove home in the dark last night or the last few weeks that have sunk into my skin but I feel a change coming. A good change and without realising, reflecting back, I think I started it last week.  No my exercise hasn't been my normal consistent 6 days a week.  My time has been short, -4 morning's to cold and work in excess and yes I am using excuses but deep inside, I needed this time to sort out my personal filing system.  To work out what and who I want to be when I grow up.    What I want from my life in the next 589 days before I turn 40.

Decisions have been made to suit me, not others.  Yes that's one of the biggest thing's I am changing.  I am always trying to be there for everyone else, be a shoulder, a hug, an ear...trying to help fix situations and taking on the emotion's of others to help them.  I need to stop.  The negative that comes with it overwhelms me and I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into the blackness when it takes hold.  Selfish maz is coming out and as hard as it is for my to comprehend I am sure my head will catch up in the long run.  One of the first things I have done is to wipe those people from my life.  A brother who text's me verbally abusive messages and then doesn't understand why I cant have him in my life was been blocked.  As much as it hurts my heart I cant go on with such a nasty, negative person in my life so I have closed the door and nailed the windows down on our relationship.  For the first time in years I can breath when I hear the phone right as I know it wont be him going on about how sick he is, how the world has done him wrong in so many ways.  I am taking the power back in my life to live without the drift wood that roots.

I honestly didn't think I had any more change left in me.  I thought I was a completely different person and that there was nothing more to give.....yet I forgot to give to the most important person of all...me.  I was so hell bent on getting healthy and fit, doing the good of the world, that I somehow got lost and forgot who I was in the process.  I can feel this new warmth, this feeling in my tummy that something new is happening...my new steps are coming up and instead of being afraid of putting my feet into them, I'm feeling the urge to run with them.

Life truly is good


P.S - for those wanting to know about my dad and his progress.  Its been 4 weeks and he has lost...18kg's. Can you believe that! I am so so proud of him!

hump on my back~!! pfft fuck you!!

Yesterday I was totally and utterly fucked up!

Week 4 measuring time and I had increased...yes FUCKING INCREASED 18cm in 4 weeks!!!

WHAT THE  UTTER FUCK!!!????!!!!

What happened???  How?  WHY?? who was to blame???

What happened - I ate....very well...maybe to fucking well!  I allowed night time eating to sneak back in.  My after work meal's at 9pm of the dinner I had made for hubby and the kids.

Never thought of myself as a tea hag....you know, one of those chick's that goes weak at the knee's at having a 'cuppa tea' (said in posh English tones).....and with it comes the full cream milk and sugar....arhhhhhhhh fuckity fuck!!

Ive joined a 24 hour gym and I'm kicking arse with what Im doing there...leg pressing my weight (100kg's) hand weights are up to 8kg's and lifting 15 - 20 with squats. Im doing push ups....fucking push ups??!!!! LOVE PUSH UPS (who the hell am I again???)  running interval's on the tready are awesome...upping them next week well just cause I can :)

I have however let my morning walks slip...cold, tired and did I mention the cold (-1 degree's) is just to much for me....well no fucking more! Thermals have been purchased and this bitch is back out there!

Measuring large has really given me the shits.  I'm a size 18 as it is and well I know I'm tall but FUCK!  I don't want to be a size 18 *stomps foot like spoilt brat* I want to be smaller's, taller, thinner!  I want to be under that 100kg's mark and stay there.

To add insult to this enormous pimple of mine - I took my 4 week comparison picture and cried like a bitch!   I can see my gains...I can see double boob's, a wider waist, fatter thighs!  Now dont give me that - don't be so hard on yourself maz bullshit....you have NO IDEA unless you've been fighting to get your life back from being morbidly obese so shhhhhh it right now!  Just because you think I look good doesn't mean I feel it...its scares the living shit out of you when you've been fighting so hard to get better to feel like your going backwards.

4 weeks difference - not happy Jan

Then I had a brain snap!

When the hell did I become so critical of myself?  when did I become this vain bitch?  

This isnt me at all.

This 100kg mark is just like a big festering zit on my arse! I wont an refuse to let it change me.  

I will be getting the tissues out, the tweezers and squeezing the bastard until it bleed's!!

Cause know what....I may of changed my eating habits, got of my fat arse and exercised to initially lose weights but now it flows in me, its my life, its in my blood.....this fucked up week, this increase on the scales and in cm's has got my blood boiling.  Its red hot right now and as much as the old maz would love me to say - wait until you come back from your holiday in Darwin to refocus...its starts right NOW!

I am living my life, healthier, happier and for the long haul.  I wont let a weight gain, cm gain or stuffing my face fuck up all the hard work I have so far put in. Be fucked if I will let the old habits come back, its not who or what I am anymore.  I will turn this around, I will make it happen!!!  

This shit here, its for life not just for 12 simple weeks.