Tuesday, January 8, 2013

99 and not out

Well I've done it!

1 year
1 week
6 days

 I have gone from


30.1kg's gone.

I have been wanting to be under that 100kg mark, to see those double digits for so long that I think I lost the excitement in the process. 
I don't know how I feel atm.
A little overwhelmed, disbelief, shock maybe?
I got on the scales, saw my numbers and thought to myself
Well there you fucking go....99.9 now what??
What was I expecting a friggen parade, a marching band to magically appear with cheerleaders chanting

The build up to this moment has been massive.  I plateaued for so long and finally got my shit together this round to see the numbers drop like they haven't before.
Injury didn't stop me...I wasn't having any of that.
When I reached under 104 I cried cause I was stuck on that number for so long that I thought, like all the other times that I would sit there and watch it go up and depress me more.
When I got on last week and saw 100.3 I nearly lost my shit. OMFG how could I be so close and yet so far...my god was it really going to happen.

I realise we all say its not about the numbers and that this is our new lifestyle, that we should be happy we are alive and free of the toxin's that we had in our lives before hand.
when you are doing a program that you are paying your hard earned $$$ for you want results and those results are to see your weight and measurements drop.  Its a little to hard NOT to think about it and yes it totally fucks with your head when nothing happens.  Especially when you know you ate what was left on the kids plates yet again on top of your meal, you drank to many coffee's or not enough water.
We WANT to see those numbers going down.

Feeling a bit numb.  What now?
The focus for the last year has been to get to here, to the now.
shit I still cant believe it 99.9kg's...how does that happen?  
What goal's do I set myself now?
ohhh to much to think about...my brain is hurting.
I'm tired.

Stuff it, time to go to the wardrobe and play dress ups.

I bought this TS dress mid 2011 to 'hide' in.  I could wear it and cover one of the long tunic's over the top.  I actually took it to Sydney with me and wore it heaps.
It was tight, it hugged my tummy, my back boobs, my shoulder hump and it was tight on my arms, tight to the point of cutting in slightly.  
In the picture you can see that the left arm is higher up then the right....that's where it use to sit on me before hand.  Now, its a sack :)

the last time I wore this dress was when I was 23...15 years ago at my sister in laws deb.  I haven't been able to fit into it since then.  Yep I can see my gunt sticking out in its lovely glory BUT #blowsrasberry I can get it on, zip it up and walk in it :)

this singlet was as a stable item in my wardrobe.  I wore it in summer with another singlet under it, grabbing the front of it and trying to stretch it enough so my gutt wouldn't stick out.
In winter I wore a long sleeved top under it to keep warm.  Its um....nice and airy #winkwink now with ample fabric to flow about me while I walk.

this little number isn't that old. I bought it this late last year. It was a little tight but comfortable...seems now it might be a little to comfortable for next winter.  The arms have gotten quiet roomy and its not suffocating my boob jalobbies like it did.

Ohhh meee ohhh my
this would have to be my favourite  outfit of them all.
These leggings are City Chic XL. They were so tight that I ripped a hole in the right leg trying to get them on last year.  I wore these puppies to death in the early stages of my life change.  They have been my companion for 100's of km's, holding me when I thought I couldn't go anymore, cheering me on when my legs started to shuffle.
Now, they are like wearing a pair of trackies, they are comfy and baggy.
Now the top...my Best friend, sister for life bought this for me in a very dark stage of my life.
It was tight and I remember being in the elevator looking down thinking shit this top is tight but loving it because she was with me.  It has to be one of the best birthday presents I have EVER received from anyone.
My happy top as I refer to it gets put on when I'm feeling like I'm lost, when I'm blue and I need my best friend to hug me.  She's here with me :)
Today, its sitting gathered while I type this blog post.  No longer showing off how big I am but hugging me with room to move.

After all of that, I still don't feel it.....Think I need to think of the square and see what happens.



  1. I get what you mean, Maz. I got under the 100kg and thought - now what? It's SUCH a big thing, but at the end of the day, it's just a number and those amazing photos should make you more proud of your hard work. Because we all are :)

  2. Love love LOVE your dress up games! How far you have come!! I think that the disbelief of the numbers really is an indication of how little they dictate who we are. It seems unreal right now, but at some point it will become real. And when it does, it will probably hit you like a ton of bricks. So so proud of you girl, you have achieved so much in a very short space of time!! xxx

  3. Well done! I too hovered around that dreaded 100kg mark for a while and thought that it would never drop, but would infact go up. It was my mental barrier and then all of a sudden it was gone..deflated and dejected I had a what now moment... But now I am sitting on 95.6kgs and my next nemisis I have decided will be whooping the behind of 90kgs. Once again, well done, congratulations and you are amazing :) xx