Low flying ducks....beware

This weekend has been a shocker.   I feel so flat and tired...where the hell did my energy go???

Admittedly I did work thursday, friday and saturday night and although its only 3 1/2 hours, its hot in the shop there isn't any time to sit and enjoy smelling the roses if you know what I mean.  I'm often in wonder at my bosses who work such long hours there..they amaze me that they repeat the same routine day in day out without complaining.

Yesterday I felt like utter shit and sat on the couch for most of it, fighting within myself not to raid the fridge.  I gave up at 3 and had a sandwich, then a lamb chop.  Last night I sat and ate ice cream straight from its container....WHAT THE FUCK!!!! I don't do that shit.  Am I insane!!!  I just worked my arse off for weeks and weeks to get under 100kg's and I have no doubt that I have blown it come this wednesday.

Disappointed in myself is an understatement.  And before you start with the give yourself a break shit, I want you to know why I feel like this.

• I started this to change my life, our lives.  
• When I say I am doing something, I stick to it and get really pissed off at myself for not following through
• I'm trying to lead by example - I want my children to see that being healthy is normal and eating stupidly isn't.
• I feel bloated, lethargic and crap when I over eat.
• my tummy hurts like no other and I often end up on the toilet atleast 6 times the following day, which then aggravates where the cyst on my bowel was...scare tissue on  you toss is very uncomfortable
• I find that once I start binging, cause lets face it, that's exactly what it is, I cant stop.  the feeling at the time is to shove as much food into my mouth as I can and then sit there afterwards wondering why the hell I did that.  Bit like having sex without climaxing.....CRAP!!!!

Its the after that gets me....like today.  I feel depressed over my inability to control my willpower muscle.  No excuses, no poor me's.  I need to get a grip and control.

Preseason task's for round 1 - 2013 came out this morning.  This morning saw me start as if the program is all new to me.
Perhaps I got to comfortable in the program??  The last 2 rounds have seen me brush over the preseason tasks with a mehhhh in my head.  After this weekend I will be starting them afresh, with clear eyes and ears.

This are some of the points recapped from Michelle's video this morning.

• Now is the time to take full responsibility for yourself, your body and how you think.

YES YES and YES!!!!  I am the only one responsible for what I take in and what I give.  I need to be clear that this is about ME and me only.  I will listen to what my body is telling me and tune out any negative talk that comes up in my crazy head.

• It’s time to reflect on how you see yourself and any self sabotaging habits you possess.

hmmmm I honestly don't know how I see myself atm.  I know I am capable of getting off my arse and doing, I just need to block that little bastard that gets in my head and says, fuck it chick you can do it tomorrow.    As fro habits, well this weekend showed me that as much as we think we have changed we can still cave when we are weak. I need to nip that shit in the bud before it spirals out of control.

• I cannot want this for you. I cannot get you your results. Only YOU can do this for yourself.

#nodsbigtime  yes.  Totally and utterly agree.  Although I feel the program keeps me on track and helps me stay accountable I need to remember that this is about ME and I am my biggest support.  I cant do this without me.

• You’ve got to let go of your excuses. You’ve used them for so long you probably believe them, you’ve enrolled others to believe them too.

I don't have excuses, I am accountable for all my stuff ups.  I'm the first to say it too. 

• If you want to transform yourself, you’ve got to clear these excuses and make way for a breakthrough.

Yes had the break through, finally this round.  It was the biggest light bulb moment I have ever had.

• Don’t rely on motivation, make exercise part of your day.

And that there is where I feel I have stuffed up since Christmas.  First there was my injury which is still shitting me no end (my knee still hurts) and then I got so sick with the inner ear infection and throat infection that I feel I lost it a bit.  I need to get back into my mornings and set a plan of attack so I don't feel so flat.  Day's without my morning workout's feel shit.  I feel utterly crap when I haven't started my day with my hour to me.

There will be loads of things I will be doing different next round, one of them will be to set my self weekly goals and accomplishments.  The other will be to make sure that I don't want to eat the arse out of a low flying duck pre TTOM again.