44 bottles of vodka on the wall....44 bottle of......

 Notice anything in any of these pictures????

There seems to be a glass or bottle attached to my hand in every one of them.

Party girl Maz...yep that's me.

I'm stupid enough normally.  No really I am.  I fall over my feet and trip over shit all the time.  

This morning alone on my walk I stumbled over my feet 3 times. Stupid footpath!

Having my hands crushed in a conveyor belt in a packing shed all those years ago don't help when my hands give way.  

Shit seems to spew from my mouth in the form of dumb words and stuttering 

while unco-ness moves me ugly.

Then WHY of WHY do I add alcohol to the mix.

hmmmm

I love the buzz, the high in my head.  It gives me ball's!!!!

Yep I love the feeling of feeling like I am king shit alcohol gives me.  

I love the taste...ohhh how I love the taste.

LOVE vanilla vodka and lemonade.

I could so have that feed into me via tube but then I would miss the sensation of letting it flow down my throat and my taste buds wouldn't be dancing naked in my mouth.

I can dance all night with a drink in my hand..jump up, scream, sing and be merry.

Its a drug. One that I can obtain legally and without a prescription.

I love the how the first drink slides down your throat and soccer punches your gutt.

The warmth that follows from the drinks there after.

The memories that you have and hold.

I don't however like the effects it has on my mind and my body.

Waking up in the morning and feeling like the cat shit in your mouth isn't attractive

Having to have 1L of water just to clean out the crusties in the first half hour

The toxicity of your urine that morning after

GROG BOG from HELL from all the shit you ate while you were to busy getting happy

Being bloated and sluggish

Wanting to attack your face with sandpaper to take off all the dead and dull skin and not to mention hacking your face with a pitch fork to take out those pimples and blackheads.

Not to mention the empty calories in the foods you down the hatch and the artificial sweeteners and toxins you flow through your body due to it.

I made a promise to someone after the Sydney finale.

This someone is a person I have a hell of allot of respect for.  

She never asks for anything, she gives care, love and tenderness with her words.

I have a silent respect for her and stalk her *wink* with a crazy passion.

She's not one to gloat or do things to make others uncomfortable 

but she's made an impact of a few girls lives that I know.

So when she said no drinking Round 4 Maz...I listened, stood up and accepted the challenge.

I thought

FUCK

what the hell have I put myself up to do??!!!!

I cant do Christmas parties without a drink or 5

I cant do Christmas without a beer, shandy or my favourite vodka.

I cant do New Year's without drinking with hubby in hopes to have naughty count down together.

SHIT

I cant do my birthday without a wine or bottle of moscatto!

What I didn't realise was

I can do Christmas parties with water and friendly chattering

I can do Christmas with a flavoured mineral water in my champagne glass with my family

I can do New Years and a naughty count down not shitfaced

and

If I can do my birthday without a cake

I can and I will do it without wine.

most of all

I didn't realise how easy it actually was to not drink.

If I have learnt anything from the last 10 weeks and this round its that

My health is important...drinking mask's so many emotions and hides so much anger.

Ive released them and my health and my happiness is rising above it all.

By no means does it mean I will never have a drink again

I will never say that

BUT

I have learnt that I don't need to drink

To make myself feel

Important, loved, happy and social.

I can just be me.