Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Writing a list, checking it twice

I had a mind snap moment today.
Bought a hot chicken to cool down and cut up so we can top pizza's tonight (home made takeaway night)...anyway started pulling the chicken apart and before I knew it some of that juicing skin was in my mouth, swirling around and romancing my taste buds.
Shit, I totally twigged to one of my cover up acts.
I use to pull the chicken apart so I could disguise how much of it I use to eat sneakily.
How often did I do that?  I cant even remember how far back to when it started.
Shit, if I did it with this what else did I sneak in?  What else did i just put into my mouth and cover up?

The double quarter pounder x 2 that I would buy on my way home from shopping and inhale the 10km's home because I wouldn't have time to eat when we got there.
2  double quarter pounders...FUCK~ 724cal's FOR ONE!!  They were a 'snack'...washed down it a large coke...another 310 cal's

1758 calories for a snack

That's almost a day and a half worth of my  food intake in calories now.

So why the brain snap.
Since Monday I have been writing down everything I eat and drink.  Its amazing how hard it is to write down what you eat and what it looks like down on paper.  Eat something shit and you hesitate to put pen to paper but you slap yourself in the head a few times and do it.  Its about being honest with yourself.  No one can save you or help you but you.  If you lie well your a dick cause your digging that black hole of dispair and self loath even deeper.

I'm finding its helping me make better choices with what I cook and eat cause I'm scared that someone, anyone is going to break in, go look at my list and say look at what shit this bitch eats.  I realise that that's not going to happen but I think I have to give myself that form of mental torture to keep going.
I want to be held accountable for what i eat and see if there are area's that I need to fix..I already realise that I don't drink half as much as I should and battle every day with drinking atleast 2L of water.  I thought it would be easier when I gave up coffee but its not.  My taste bud's have kicked in big time and food has become magic and sensational now.  Absolutely love the tingling feeling in your mouth when something utterly devine is eaten.  Example, I went out for lunch yesterday with some great friends and had a warm Moroccan beef salad with prunes, cashews and cumin seeds in it...OMG it was like my taste buds were having sex with my food in my mouth.  There was no high sugared drink washing away all the freshness of it all....nope just my taste buds and food tangoing.

I'm up to day 4 of writing down my consumption...its been a big eye opener so far.  I'll continue to do it until next weigh in and reflect back on it then.  Let's see what next week brings then shall we.


1 comment:

  1. You've always been an honest woman Mazzy, but the BRUTAL honesty you are showing yourself is inspiring.

    I bet it hurts like a bitch to write the bad stuff. But writing the bad makes you stronger :)

    Keep going hun!! xxx