**PLEASE NOTE - this might get a bit verbally graphic**
No its not about the size of it
Yes I worry about it every day
No I don't care what others think
It started years ago, back in 2010. I noticed a lump inside my anus and just thought I had gotten piles from having the kids. I put up with these piles for 5 weeks until I had a temp of 41 and my hubby said enough was enough. In tear's I went to my doctor, shaking, pale and sick. He sent me straight to the emergency department, worried and explained that I had a cyst in my bowel that was quit large and needed to be operated on.
I remember waiting in a bed and having interns come around, mutter what a stupid woman I was to each other for not coming in earlier...hello I have 4 children, 2 with special needs with NO SUPPORT. I come last guys...come back and walk in my shoes arse hats.
I didn't realise that this was going to be a life changing moment for me.
That night was one of the first operation's I was to have for my arsie friend.
Dr Micheal and I began a 18 month court ship, where he would great me with a lovely smile and ask me politely to take my pants off so he could, well you know, insert and play with my cyst.
The first operation he gave my bum a bong pipe. Its the worst thing he could of friggen done. After draining my golf ball sized cyst he decided it place a drainage tube 2 inches away from my anus. I had to keep this thing in for 7 days. Do you know how humiliating it is to get your husband to have to clean your arse for you while you scream in pain? Its something I never wanted my hubby to have to do for me and I will be thankful for him doing this for me for the ends of time.
Once the tube was removed I felt like a new woman. No pain, omg I could move again and wipe my own arse without cringing.
4 months later it came back.
I was sent straight back to the hospital. This time I had a major surgery. The cyst was entirely removed this time as it had gotten to the size of an apple and the doctor feared bowel cancer so removal was the best option. Thankfully no it wasn't cancer but it was enough to scare me. My anus was then cut on the side and the cyst which was 10cm in my intestine was removed and the area was scraped out. Now how do you fix an anus that was collapsed in due to being cut, well you get a little cable tie looking device and have it inserted and tied every 4 weeks. Yep, every 4 weeks I went in and have Dr Micheal tighten it, until one day its to the surface and my anus is back to normal. I had the joy of interns asking to look first, in a room by myself, no nurse. I did it once and then said NO. Tuff titties, my body, my choice, especially when I had to get redressed and then go drop my pants again for Dr Micheal for the same crap. I had on intern stand there and watch me take my pants of...I asked him if it excited him to watch and he looked at me blankly until I asked him to give me some respect.
Dr Micheal explained to me that people who have diabetes can suffer from cyst in this region...and if they don't have it they can get it later in life. SHIT!!! Hello I'm on that list with both parents having it, mum type 2 dad type 1 with insulin, a brother with type 2 and a sister type 1 and insulin 5 times a day. NO WAY!!! I'm getting of this ride!!
Dr Micheal also explained to me due to the operations, my butt will never be the same. I 'could' have more cysts causing me to have to have more op's, I 'could' have seepage of the bowel where fluid leaks out, I 'could' end up with bowel cancer....I could I could I could!!!
I have tried to live my life to its fullest. I do have side effects. I don't mention them, they've become a part of life for me now. My bong pipe hole weeps and bowel fluid comes out...its not pretty but I've learnt to adapt. I often have to give myself wedges so it doesn't get aggravated. I have to use self made bamboo velour small wipes to place in the area to soak up the fluid. Its not pretty, it can smell, it hurts some days but its better then the big C word and better then having to have a colostomy. I can still do most exercises although riding a bike is very much out of the question for me as it aggravates it so badly I am in bad pain for days. I cringe when someone walks past me and touches my back or knocks my bum because I'm scared it will set of a week of pain.
No I don't talk about it much, close friends of mine know about it, they went through my op's with me but I just get on with life. I still suffer pain, have bad bum days and have those days where I'd like to not feel like my arse is about to drop out but I just suck it up and get on with it. Its another reason I wanted to change my life, it gave me a wake up call.
Finding MB12wbt a few months after my last episode was a life line. I needed something to help me realise there was more then the ride my family was on. I needed a healthy direction.
Although I'll never be the same, I am healthy and hopefully I have reversed any of the steps I was taking towards diabetes.
Now enough of my arse...I have to get myself organised for tomorrow tuff mudder BOO YEAH BABY!