Sunday, March 10, 2013

Tuff Mudder how I love thee

I feel like Ive been asleep for years and have been kissed awake by my Prince Charming.

This is the aftermath of doing mud angels, sliding down wet hill's of water.
Diving head first into mud with rocks and god knows what else to avoid getting zapped by electricity. Carrying a car tyre around a lap of a foot oval
Climbing a hay stack, swimming in a bath of ice and water, climbing through a long thin pipe to be blasted with water, swimming through tubs of mud and lastly climbing through a container of hot, smelly over ripe tomatoes.
There were heaps of obstacles.  Some I could do, some I tried to do.  I only walked away from one not even trying because I knew dame well this chick couldn't get up there. 
 I admitted defeat...but I wont next year!

We were six woman strong....all but one was a 30 plus girl doing Michelle Bridges 12wbt.
Seemed perfect timing to as our 4 week milestone had come up this week....what better way to celebrate then to challenge ourselves.
Shit we even had our own paparazzi the entire course, capturing the moments of fun, work and joy.

We gathered at 9.30ish the morning off.  Making sure we were all together and prepped.
I cant say I was nervous then...I had been shitting myself for week's before hand but nope, I felt a weird calm almost.  I was ready to rock this shit big time!!!
Sitting, watching and listening to the other's starting and coming through added to the vibe of the day.
EVERYONE was ubber supportive.  Strangers were encouraging, supportive and cheering.
Friends who were competing came through and Melinda and I ran to great them, cheering them on, hugging them and celebrating their win. 

Starting off I remember hearing ' GO MAZ ' and thinking...omg people are cheering us on..WOW!
The tyre was heavy (first thing was carrying a tyre around for one lap of the oval)..amazingly enough as much as my arms ached from carrying it I somehow found superman strength to toss that bastard after the lap.

My greatest fear 6 months ago was height's.  I looked over to the hay bail mountain and smiled.
Height's...pffft YOU hay bail mountain were mine bitch!!!  
Standing up the top I looked down and had not one flutter in my gutt, no anxious scream stuck in my throat...I was loving the view, thinking shit Ive missed that kind of thing for far to long.

I was king of the friggen world people!!!!

Inbetween task's gave us time to bond, chat and soul search.
If I wasnt talking to someone I was running between our groups.
It allowed me time to reflect on my life, my fitness and friendship with myself.

I saw person after person running past me....I have wanted that for so long.
I had built myself up to running 2 -3 km's last year.  I began to feel flat seeing so many people running thinking the negative in myself.  I slapped myself on the inside and made myself think of where I was back in December 2011.  
I didn't do SHIT back in December 2011!  I was lazy, fat and ... lazy!
Why do we always think of the bad crap first? We forget the good thing's we do for ourselves.
There was no way back then I would EVER have signed up, let alone thought of doing a tuff mudder yet here I was NOW, jogging when I could, walking fast and trying my best to do what I could...and if I couldn't, I still tried to help those who wanted to.  Team's do that, support each other, help each other when they need it.  Give a hand, a gentle gesture, a shoulder to boost another up.

My reflecting time gave me some thinking time alright.  Gave me some time to work on new goal's as some of my weakness's reared their head's.  Having no strength in my upper body gave me the shits.

I had one moment along the course where I could feel my anxiety climbing and I talked myself down.
We had to climb through long thin pipes....shit the opening looked key hole the hell was i suppose to fit into that???
I got in, on my hands and knees and my knee started throbbing. SHIT what the hell!
I kept doing and go half way and a sick feeling started rising..fuck I was in the middle of a tube, what happens if I cant get out?? It looked so far away, I was a big girl and big girls don't do this shit....the tube was getting thinner and I felt like it was starting to squish me, taking my breathe
FACE SLAP!! Get your shit together girl and fucking MOVE!!!!  slide, crawl, thrust you way to that little hole at the end and get up and out of it!! You can do this!!!!! MOVE!!!
I remember getting to the end and seeing a set of legs standing waiting for me.  I was on my back at this stage squirming anyway I could to get to that opening, reaching and stretching as far as I could with my arms to grab that lip to pull myself out.
And then BANG daylight and those legs and Min's smiling face greeted me.  I stuck my head between those legs and grabbed them with both arms.
I did it...I was out, I was safe and out!

I have to say I was in awe and appreciative of the positive words, high fives and smile's on the 13km course.  Many giggled at us telling us our tutu's wouldn't stay pretty for long (that was the point really).
I had so much fun swimming in an ice cold pit of water and ice, swimming in another full of mud.
Sliding down a huge water mountain whilst having guy's squirt us with water.
Doing mud angel's, having rocks dig into my knee's and hands, dodging electric fences, trying to climb big containers (without success) eating mud, flies and god knows what, getting stung by something.
Most of all, I was enjoying getting to re friend me.
The girl who loved fun, loved a challenge...who liked to get dirty.
Laughing and crying with joy at the life she had forgotten she had.
While I didn't run much for the mud run, I tried.   Whilst I didn't do every challenge, I tried.

Yesterday I was disappointed in myself. 
I thought I hadn't pushed myself enough, hadn't tried hard enough but sometimes the mental challenges of these events are the most valuable ones to win.
It took me until today to realise that,  just being there, getting of my arse, giving it a go was the biggest reward in itself.  Over coming my fears of wet clothing, being dirty and not freaking out in the process was another for me.  Climbing that hay bail mountain proved my fear of heights is well and truly conquered.  Being in a small, thin, long tunnel conquered another.
I may not have pushed through as hard as I wanted but I had faced other obstacles others couldn't see or feel.  Those are the rewards that matter, that help heal and mend ties within.

Running that last 500m to the finish line and seeing my family there bought tear's to my eyes.

My babies were smiling from ear to ear, clapping me on.
Big boy Nikolaus grinning shyly from under his fringe in his pre teenager, awkward way
My Wilhelm stood there, smiling with his big gappy toothy smile at me.
Vyolett with her hands clasped together, jumping up and down yelling.
My baby boy yelling 'run mummy run'.
Hubby standing proud...he's a man of little words but his eye's speak volumes.

and I use to think losing weight was the best reward....pfft that was only the foundations to what I have
received back from the universe until now.


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