The count down....pre tuff mudder

Righto...4 more sleeps to go.  Am I shitting myself HELL YES!!!  

I don't care what anyone says, don't give a rat's if you say its easy, you'll have fun....

I am still shitting myself!!!!!!

I have no idea of what to expect other then mud, ice water and a tomato pic.  I'm worried about rope climbing cause I have no strength in my bingo flaps, I'm scared of the electric fence and that it will zap my arse cause I have a tendency to stick it up in the air when I'm down on all fours.

I have that feeling in my stomach like I did before I had my first son.  You know the one, when reality kicks in and you realise that you have to squeeze a beach ball out of your vagina.  

You've never given birth and you've hit 37 weeks and think SHIT how the hell is this getting out...my poor jaja will never be the same again.

Stupidly most of us go back and shit ourselves at the same stage not from fear of the unknown but the fear of the pain we endure squeezing out that baby.

yeah...I see you nodding....your getting it aren't you.

THAT feeling.

The one where you know you have no control.

Tonight Wilhelm tell's me mum cool down you are going to rock this.

Yep...the kid is full of confidence for me.

I keep thinking, bush, flies, mud, SNAKES, bugs, mud, twigs, blisters....did I mention mud???

I am not worried what so ever what placing we come...I don't care if we come last.

I am so looking forward to spending time with some amazing ladies and supporting each other through the 12km's and obstacles.  I have no doubt there will be alot of laughing, crying and soul searching happening that day.  I cant wait to see one lady as its been a year and a half since we caught up...we've both lost so much weight. I have no doubt I'm going to be a blubbering mess when I see you.

This afternoon Melinda and I got together and made little bags up.

We really wanted to wear items on the day to represent organisations we believe and support.

Both of us spent quiet a few days on the phone organising items to be sent to us.

Each lady will be receiving one of these

 Donate for life donated a t-shirt, brink bottle, wrist band and hat for us to wear

Cancer council of Australia a sweat band

Beyond blue a wrist band.

We really wanted to get sew on patches so we could buy our own t-shirts and sew them on but the only badges that were available were the metal and pin kind....and as much as I like piercings they just wouldn't work for the event.

I have decided not to wear the donate life T-shirt.

I will be wearing my Autism Spectrum Australia singlet.

Wilhelm is beside himself as the donations have reached over our goal of $400.

For a little background - Wilhelm is 11, he is funny, bright, loving, has a wicked sense of humour, has a photographic memory, loves algebra, wants to be a movie director when hes older and can draw like Da vinci.  Wilhelm lives with autism and isn't afraid to let others know he has it.

He has his moment's when the world becomes to loud for him but we work through it and he doesn't let autism rule his life.

I am doing this mud run for him....his belief in me with my weight lose, my fitness and eating healthy.

His support, his unconditional love and encouragement have gotten me to now.

I will be wearing my singlet for my Wilhelm, for your child, for those who live on the spectrum of magic colours and light sounds.

I will be wearing it with pride and honour.

I will also be wearing my 30plus 12wbt group hat.

I don't care that green doesn't go with what I'm wearing...to me it all matches :) its pieces of my puzzle

The 30 plus group have been nothing but utterly inspiring, supportive and encouraging in my 5 rounds of 12wbt.  We support each other through words, cyber hugs, high fives.  

I am honoured to be walking right beside 4 of them this Sunday and in my heart the entire 30plus 12wbt group will be walking with us.

Ive also organised a little gift for the girls.

We really wanted t-shirts made but at $35 plus postage it was all out of our reach.

I have a wonderful friend who makes unique items and got her to make these little beauties.

T-shirts end up getting lost in the cupboard anyway...these guys can be hung anywhere.

Udderly Crazy Cows is our groups name if you didn't realise.  I hope that when they look at it, long after this Sunday that a smile hits their lips and pride beats in their chest's from what they accomplished.

Now while I was checking out the donations already made I made a little discovery.

For years I have seen a woman who has struggled, gain control and kicked arse with her weight.  She stood true to herself, was honest and worked her butt off to get her weight down.  I often was in awe of her and it didn't help that not seeing her all the time didn't help. Distance does that.  She'd walk in the room and Id be gob smacked even a little jealous on how gorgeous she looked.  He skin looked fabulous, her hair lushes and most of all, she had a confidence that outshone the weight she had lost.  The smile on her face sparkled as her happiness ozzed out.

Ive never said anything to her...My green eyed monster kept that under wraps.  Don't get me wrong  I always told her she looked fabulous, how could I not but she looked beyond that for me. I wanted what she had, what she was living!

I read the messages left with the donations I had received..my heart beats so hard with honour and love for those...but one had me in tears.

Katie Robertson - Your such an inspiration

Yes Katie .... you are an inspiration.  You may not think it but I love that you gave to yourself.  Had the gutt's to look in the mirror and said no more and did something for you.  You work dame hard, you have 2 beautiful boys and although we don't talk as often as Id like to I miss you.  Your words just mean so much to me.  You've been here, you know the torture we endure within ourselves, with others judgemental attitudes and you never seemed to let it effect you. Thank you for being one of my lights, one of my voices in my head when I'm feeling down and ready to throw in the towel.

Now to get myself some pink zinc cream, aero guard and to pull up my big girl panties ready for Sunday.

xxxxx

If you'd like to donate to my fundraising page for  Autism Spectrum Australia follow the link and thank you xx

Maz's Mad Cow run for Autism