Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Fat day blues

Fuckity, fuck fuck!
I'm having one of those days...you now the one....

Have a gut feeling that its due to my injury and not being able to exercise today.

Going to your wardrobe and pulling out nearly every piece of clothing you have, putting it on and picking on yourself....
shit my arse looks HUGE in this, 
my guts sticks out, 
its to tight you can see my back boobs,
 my legs are to wobbly - friggen cellulite

No matter what your other half says it just makes the situation worse and no matter what you tell yourself it just wont work, you feel like shit.  
We can wear exactly the same thing tomorrow and feel like a size 10...what the hell is with fat days???
You just want a big hole of nothing to come and grab you and suck you away.
Or better still, stay in bed, watch really shitty Days of Our Lives and eat a packet of chips and a bottle of something bubbly and high in sugar

Walking past a shop window today I saw my reflection and thought ahh crap my gunt is sticking out again..mustn't have tucked it away properly. Quickly I move my bag to cover it.  I keep walking paranoid that somehow someone can see through my bag and see my massive gunt.

Why do you think bigger chick's wear grannie knickers?  
You know the ones, full briefs that go to a normal girls armpits.  
They tuck  away your tummy, tuck away your shame and your over joyes love for food. 
 Cause if your eye cant see it its not there...right???

We feel it.  Its more then seeing it.

I have lived with being up sized for so long that I have learnt tricks of the trade that will never leave.
Things like wearing longer singlet tops so the come down and camouflage the tummy by looking longer in the body.
Wearing boot leg jeans so that your bigger calves don't look like their being chocked to death.
Scarves in winter to disguise my double chin and bigger clothes to make myself feel like I am skinner when in fact I looked ridiculous and bigger then I was.

I was going to break the fat day cycle.  Fear gripped me...its a comfort thing that needed to be beaten with my positive stick.
I'm over feeling fat days. 

What does one do on such an occasion you ask???

yes, yes that's right we go shopping

I needed to get myself some new work out pants because I don't know how well my one active ones from Michelle Bridges are after yesterday fall.  I had noticed before my great pavement rapping that they seemed a little large as I had to pull them up twice.
Off to Big W I went and mosh pit dived into the one active section.
When I was a size 26 I could NEVER find any pants to fit me, they were always the size 18 and downwards.  I gathered that so many people were the same size as me and had it in my head that they must of joined MB12wbt as well.
Today I go in and bloody hell, there must be alot of skinnier woman out there now cause all the bigger sizes were available and only a few lonely size 18's.  
Shit now what do I do? Buy the size 18 again or go down to the 16?
Fuck it, if the 16 doesn't fit me now...it will in a month...right .
Bugger it, while I was there a singlet top came home with me as well.
Now this is RIGHT out of my comfort zone due to my gunt issues.  Its shorter and tighter then my usually camouflage...screw it lets do it.

And what do you know



But because its a feel fat day I tried to pick on how I looked, my tummy, my arms, my thighs.
I stopped my self, gave myself a good internal slapping about, put my big girl panties back on

smiled back at myself in the mirror to tell myself

I look HOT!

This chick is slowly busting out off her fat day.

Think that I might pour myself a sparkling mineral water to celebrate.


1 comment:

  1. Damn you woman - even on your fat days you are SMOKING! And I love love that top and want one myself - just doesn't suit my body shape (I don't think) Beautiful post x