Nominating myself...shit

Week three's weekly surprise is to nominate a blog or your own.

Ive nominated my own.

*gulp*

Now before you start thinking shit Maz has got a big head, Ive got some news for you

I BLOODY HAVE!!!!

My friends know that I'm not one to toot my own horn. I'm quiet the secret squirrel when it comes to many things.  I love to surprise people, organise gifts for those who need them or even just a PM to someone to let them know that someone loves them when I see that their having a bad day.  I don't need anything repaid to me...the joy heard in the voice of the person Ive rung or the shit eating grin that you see on someones face is more then enough.

I had no intention of nominating myself until this morning. 

After uprooting my bedroom looking for a pair of 3/4 shorts to wear I cracked it and decided that I needed to buy something that would fit me without making me look like Ive shat my dacks.  I need clothes stat!!!

I had to pick up some layby's Santa had arranged *wink wink nudge nudge* so thought best I get this done now, without the amigo's with me, by myself.

I found some awesome pants, picked them up without really taking notice and went to the change rooms to try them on.  Stripped down, pulled out my wedgie and put on new pants only to have them fall to my ankles *insert awkward scream in here*. 

Yes - size 18...boo yeah baby

Why you ask...cause this stupid twit is still in the I wear a size 26 state of mind.  Its one thing that I really need to work on and I'm hoping to achieve this round...clearing my head and eyes of the size 26 body I had.  I look in the mirror and the person looking back at me is still the same chick I saw last year, and the year before that.  I was so use to buying size 26 that its just a habit to reach for it proving that my mind hasn't caught up.  Shit, circus tents were starting to look mighty fine for comfort and wear ability last Christmas.

I sit here now, typing this, trying to think of what to say while my hand goes to my neck and 'feels' my collar bones. I HAVE COLLAR BONES PEOPLE!!!!!!  I had forgotten what they were like and cant stop touching them now that I have rediscovered them.

My hubby posted a comment on my facebook over the weekend.  He isn't a man of many words but his love is unconditional and gives me strength when I feel I have none. 

Here it is

Jeremy Bourke I married 1 woman and after 13 year I now am married to a new woman both of them I love but this new one seems to be happier with, life and herself. I see that both are very sexy and I love them both. But this new one loves her self more and that makes me happy. Maryan I love you then and now, you make me get up I the mornings just to see how lucky I am in life. I love you.

I was so thankful I was in a the cinema when I read this...I sobbed like a child.  Not due to sadness but to the love and the though that he placed into his words.  I never knew the effect this would have on him..I knew that I had upset a few people with my new life but I never knew what I reflected outwards to him and my family.  He totally blew me away and just made me want to have his babies even more.

I am a different person.  I have more self respect in my little finger then I did in my entire body last year.  I no longer put my happy face on for everyone, I truly am happy INSIDE and out.  I love my life.  Love that I can breath without coughing madly. I love how healthy I now eat, how great exercising and being out feels.  I love the respect I give myself now.  The respect I have been lacking for so long.  I treat my self and my body with dignity.  I love how my new found vest for life is infecting those around me and making life all round positive.

Most of all

I have finally learnt

to love myself.