Thursday, November 29, 2012

Bridges burnt

Why is it that when we move forward that we lose some of those who we thought would understand?
Understand the fight we had to get ourselves better, healthier and happier.
 Ive walked down many lanes and back roads, hand in hand with people only to have them throw stones at me, now when I need them the most.
I never asked them for direction, never asked for small change, just their friendship and support.
Yet when I need them, when I feel secure and nurtured by them, they take the first opening to run away.

I'm not a jealous person..I believe everyone has the right to feel and behave to their own.
Control is something that is heavy and drag's you down emotionally.
Subconsciously I was controlled by the negative some of my friendships gave.  As friends do, they share the hurt and give a shoulder...I soon became eloped in the nastiness and when the light was turned on and these woman's insecurities came out to play
I became their emotional punching bag.

Its worse then sitting and eating the anger and sadness away, to find someone you thought so much off has soccer punched your friendship due to their jealousy and spite at the life you have built from out of the dark hole you both resided in for so long.
Guess what sucker...its not going to work because my life....its means more then putting my self back down into that sess pit of pity and self loathing.  I am more then that, my life and health mean more to me then to live in the dark that once was.

Trying to look at the positive out of this and I hope that the anger they feel towards me can make them shift the negative from them eventually and they can reflect back on what an arse hat of a friend they were for kicking me when I needed them.

Yes, for some I may have the 'perfect' life, wonderful supportive husband, fantastic children, my own successful business and a great job.
Grass always looks greener on the other side when you don't live that person's life.  Ive had enough struggles in my life to put a pretty white jacket on but I refuse to let those struggles define me as a person.  I get up, dust it off and move on.

So next time you pull out your mars bar and coke for breakfast, thinking what a girls front bum I am and wanting  to bitch about what a crap spelling fucktard I am....
try to think about getting your arse of that fucking couch and doing something positive for yourself
cause no one likes a nasty bitch friend
Life is for living, you dumb shit not grieving 

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