Sunday, November 25, 2012

Reflection's of Sydney - Part 2

One of my goal's in round three was to let go of negative and free myself of the impact it has on my life.  Recent events in my life made me question what is true to me and those around me.   Situations, people, thoughts, fears all fall into this category.

I decided that one negative fear of mine had to go....and then decided another only to have a 3rd conquered due to circumstances beyond my control

Since I have been little I have had a tremendous fear of bridges.  Ive woken screaming from dreams of me being in a car, with my mum and second eldest brother, driving happily over a bridge only to get out into the middle of the mass of water we were crossing, to find the bridge had just stopped and we drove off the end.  Ive never dreamt of falling into the water at the end, I always wake up screaming.  I totally shit myself when going over them now, even though I know that the road continuous and that its safe...i totally and utterly crap myself every time.

Height's make me wet myself in fear (thank god for sanitary napkins).  I started to overcome the fear a few years ago and news of my aunt falling of her first story roof and dying due to it bought it all back.

You can see my hurdle cant you....heights, bridges.  Now think Sydney...what's in Sydney???

this little  black duck is gonna get herself up that bridge 
I have to tell heart was beating pretty dame fast before getting our gear on.
My pulse was at 129 beats while we were sitting waiting for our climb.
The 1/2 hour training before hand had the spit glands in my mouth drying up and my hands trembling.
Excitement, fear, the was all there and I wasn't backing out.
EVEN when fear number 3 came to slap me in the face
It was raining and windy.  I'm not scared of rain, I absolutely HATE being wet with clothes on.  The sensation drives me insane and I shudder at the thought of it now even writing this.
So the prospect of getting wet outside on the climb had me shitting bricks big time.

The looking down over the road made me gasp at how high we were but I kept forging forward.
Just when I though, yeah this is alright our hostest with the mostest informed us we had to climb up 4 vertical
Once I got over the first ladder I felt fine. OMFG I did it, little happy dance was happening inside of me.
Outside, in the cold and wet I was blown away by the view and the calm I felt.
Yes I said calm.  I couldn't believe how relaxed I felt and how I just wanted to trek on to the top.
Lots of picture stops on the way so thankful for them to reflect back on.
The one above was taken with the girls who are doing the MB12wbt program as well.
It was an honour to be doing it with such an awesome bunch of girls, even if we did leave the other climbs behind when we walked lol.
Just before this picture, the last trek to the summit, I was very thankful for the rain.
Tears escaped from my eyes and yep, snot was dripping from my uncontrollable release.
I felt free, alive and fearless.  So much negative escaped from me in that last 5 min's to the summit 
and the yelling at the top was the icing on the cake.

THIS picture above, means the world to me!  
Its the beginning of a new way of thinking for me, one with less stress due to the negative - no I cant I'm scared thoughts that accumulated in the past.
I shared with moment with 2 people who have helped me, understood my fears, stood by me in the last few years and offered nothing but friendship.
I will be forever thankful to them both for being there for me.

Its remarkable how different I feel since that night.
Quiet alot of thinking has been going on ever since and so many more positive things and paths are being chosen in my life now.
My family, my husband, children, close friends and life are going to be a major priority for me from this moment on....things are changing big time in my house and I couldn't be happier

and who knows what great adventures I may do in the future
the sky's the limit


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